You'll Be The First Thing I See
by xXDark.Lord.MeloniousXx
Summary: Chained together, Light must learn to survive alongside the world's three greatest detectives, L. The question is how? Insane OOCness and fluff. Sorry, I had to.
1. I Give Flowers to the Criminals

**Hey! I'm back, babyyy! Another Death Note fanfiction for Light and L, hope you guys like the first chapter :D**

His dark, raccoon eyes surveyed the screen. He reached beside him to the tiny spoon that sat in his warm, sugar-intoxicated tea, resulting in a slight stretch and soft chime of their chain brushing upwards. His eyes were an endless pit of charcoal clouds, glossy like a pool of darkness; his skin was fair and clear as his expression was constantly stoic. He was incredibly thin, which was a surprise considering he lived on a completely sugar-based diet consisting of chocolates, cracker-cookies and basically any baked good. He usually ate cheese cakes, though, vanilla or strawberry, always topped with said fruit. Though, Raito didn't consider it a fruit when he saw it atop the cakes. After all of the sugar-coating and artificial ingredients granting it longevity he could hardly consider it a food. He dismissed the nauseating thought to continue his empty stare. He was just looking at the detective. He was staring at the computer screen as if he were so enthralled in the seemingly eternal documents typed before him. He examined the awful posture of the man; his back was bent over, his knees hugged to his chest while his naked toes curled around the edge of his rolling chair. Raito thought of many insults towards the detective as he stared at him, but remembered just how amazing of a fighter he was. It confused him to no end how the sleuth managed to keep his body so strong in the conditions he kept it. Raito wondered if instead of trying to find out the detective's name, if perhaps he should just wait until he becomes diabetic and slowly brings his own life to an end.

"You're staring again, Light-kun."

Raito glared and turned towards his computer screen again. He hated that man, he hated that man! How did he end up chained to this despicable man? He was Kira! He was supposed to be out and about, saving people from danger and evils. But no, he was here, linked to this pitiful, crouched, spidery man. He sighed, trying his very best to keep his temper down. He heard L's unwavering, monotone voice sound out again, "Is there something troubling you, Light-kun?"

"Besides the fact that I've been deprived of sleep and proper food for a week, I'm still suspected of being Kira and I'm handcuffed to you, I'm dandy." Raito retorted sarcastically

L replied coolly, "I will have you know, Light-kun, that the food I eat is just as good as your 'proper food', whatever that may mean. You're being suspected of being Kira is only more reason for you to lessen your complaints and heighten your compliances in the case, and I have hope you know that I am seventy-two percent alike to you in the sense that I dislike this situation just as much as you do. If I could let you go now, I would love to, but I cannot. Not until I am one hundred percent sure that you are not Kira."

Raito snorted, his temper rising, "I doubt you pity me. You want me to be Kira."

L did not look to Raito as he told him simply, "Light-kun, if I did believe in a grand lord, I would pray. My prayers would be for you, Light-kun. I do not want you to be Kira. That doesn't stop the fact, however, if you so do turn out to be Kira. Do not question my hopes for you."

Raito flustered softly as he decided not to extend the conversation. He could only hope that this wretched prison, tying them together would be taken off him soon.


	2. You're On My List of Things To Do Today

It was eleven at night, the entire office was empty and there sat Raito Yagami and L…L whoever. Raito would have been muttering profanity, staring daggers and complaining but he was so drained of energy. He had been asking for a break for hours, but L would either ignore him or hand him another document to read. It was possibly the most infuriating positions Raito had ever been in. Raito sighed suddenly and requested, "Can we stop working for a while, Ryuuzaki? I need sleep."

L continued to tack away at his keyboard, never sending Raito even a glance. Raito nearly growled, his anger was palpable. He swallowed his pride, though and added a desperate tone to his voice, "Please, Ryuuzaki? We haven't stopped for hours and I need rest, no matter how little you run on."

L still ignored his complaints. Raito gripped his digits in a fist so tight his knuckles went white. He seethed inwardly then his eye caught the glimpse of Hershey kisses next to L's computer. Raito wondered if perhaps he could try to get L to relate to him. He asked L, "Ryuuzaki…what if someone took your candies away?"

Raito was rewarded when he realized he had captured the detective's attention. L turned to him, his owlish eyes burning a hole through Raito's. His spidery fingers crawled back onto his knees as the rolling chair turned completely towards Raito. L finally responded in monotone, "…what do you mean, Light-kun?"

Raito repeated, "What would you be like if someone took away your candy?"

"I wouldn't be like anything, Light-kun."

Raito cocked a brow, "What do you mean?"

"I would be dead."

Raito glared and snorted, "Surely you're joking."

"No. I would either die from sugar deprivation or I would kill myself."

Raito wanted to laugh, but that would be far too absurd. He just shook his head and replied, "Well, anyway, that point is your candy is equivalent to my sleep. I need it, or I die."

L looked to him with enthrallment, stating softly, "That would be befitting, though, no?"

Raito glared, "What? What are you saying?"

"Nothing, I'm simply saying that death due to lack of rest would be fitting for a person such as yourself."

"How?"

L looked away in thought for a moment and finally replied, "I suppose because you're always working. Your brain is magnificent, Light-kun. It works exceptionally hard, even while you sleep. Your genius qualities always keep your thoughts in action and they remain complex no matter what state of consciousness you're in. So I find it interesting that you have not acknowledged yourself that you are never truly resting."

Raito's expression had melted into fascination as L looked to him again and added, "People such as you and me never do."

Raito turned the rest of his body towards L and suggested, "So let's break the monotony."

They sat there staring for a while, until L begrudgingly sighed and stood. Raito sighed with content. Another battle against L won. Sure he lost some dignity along the way, but it will be well worth it when he gets to climb into warm comforters and recharge his appallingly empty battery. He walked with haste and once Raito was finally in his pajamas and in bed, he turned his back to the crouched detective beside him. Raito closed his eyes before stating darkly, "Ryuuzaki…never compare me to you again."


	3. Tracing Years with Fingers on Skin

Raito woke to the sun crawling over his features; filling him with a desperate frustration. Why couldn't he just have a few more hours? Why did they need to live as L? His back was still turned to said detective, and Raito knew that L probably deducted that he was awake already. That meant that in a few moments L would intake a deep breath and speak the heart-breaking words that meant twelve more hours of work ahead. Raito decided that it would be less painful if he were the one to suggest getting started on work, so he very slowly turned around; reluctant to part with his warmed comforter. When he turned, though, he was greeted with something quite peculiar. L's eyes were shut gently, his dark, thick lashes linking and resting against his pale cheeks; his chest was rising and falling rhythmically and his usually stoic expression was painted a peaceful, nearly lifeless smile.

L was asleep.

Raito's eyes widened to some degree; he hoped his pupils followed so that he may capture this image as a whole. There were many a phenomenon that Raito knew he would never experience; this being one of them. The insomniac sleuth was unconscious right beside him; all of his constant guards completely down. L was lying before him, gifting Raito with the chance to write in the Death Note, or strangle him or smother him with a pillow. But for some reason, the thoughts didn't even come to mind. Raito was far too captured by L's ghostly, spidery appearance to feel anything but fascination and euphoric victory. There was no sketch of evil in Raito in that moment; there was no Kira, there was no God of the New World. Simply Light Yagami, sole and alone for this moment with L. Here he was king, he was ruler and could finish L right then, but he wouldn't. He was surrendered to the magic of the moment. The very strange, almost dark magic of the moment.

Raito didn't like this. Why would L be asleep? L never slept. Or at least he slept after Raito had fallen asleep and woke before him. So how did this happen? How was this possible? It scared Raito; it was almost as if L wasn't there at all. That smile though…Raito examined it. It was invisible; barely there at all, but it was certainly there. In the cold, white winter that was L's visage there was that curved line of content. That was probably what caused Raito the worst run of chills down his spine. He felt unsafe; as if somewhere new where he didn't know anyone or anything. He wanted to find his way back to comfort; back to home. And just as invisibly as L's smile had formed, Raito's heart made a secret wish that L's smile could someday be his new home.

"…Ryuuzaki?"

Raito woke him quickly; he was still on awares, on guard as always.

"Ryuuzaki…you were asleep…"

_What__wow, that was…pointless… _Raito punished himself inwardly for pointing out the obvious.

"Y-yes…I was, wasn't I? Light-kun…"

"Yes, Ryuuzaki?" Raito replied

"I don't feel well…"

Raito backed away a little, scared of what that meant.

"How so?"

L looked to him with his owlish, onyx eyes and told him, "My head is pounding with an unfamiliar pain."

Raito ground his teeth; L was infuriating even in innocence.

"You…you want to stay in bed today?" Raito suggested hopefully

The chance of L agreeing was minimal, but Raito had to try. If L was sick, this would be the first time. L would be vulnerable; not thinking to his fullest potential. That would allow Raito to perhaps make a move that would bring him closer to L's heart; to L's name. Not to mention, the thought of more sleep was appealing to Raito. L sighed and stated as if convincing himself; "But…that investigation team…they need me…"

Raito put a friendly hand onto L's shoulder, resulting in a slight flush of L's cheeks to Raito's surprise before telling him, "No, Ryuuzaki, they don't. You work incredibly hard all day and all night every day and every night. You deserve at the very least this one day off; trust me."

Raito noted that L was slightly moved by that last bit. Raito wondered if L would.

"…very well, I will alert Watari that we are not coming into work this morning."

Raito sighed thankfully and responded gratefully, "Wonderful, Ryuuzaki. You need rest."

_Yes, wonderful, L. Wonderful. _


	4. If Looks Could Kill

**Hey guys, sorry it took me so long; midterms and junk. Not to mention I'm also writing another ****fanfiction**** for Stan and Kyle pairing at the same time XO…****anywho****, it's ****kinda**** short but I promise to be faster with my updates! Thanks again for all the reviews, they're greatly appreciated!**

L made calls to Watari, informing him that he was too under the weather to return to the office that day. After the calls were made he looked to the sleepy Raito and asked sincerely,

"What do I do now?"

"What?" Raito begged

L continued to explain, "I have not been ill since I was a child…eight and half to be specific…I don't know how to care for this."

Raito cocked a brow and after a few moments of getting over the shock that L was a genius investigator who couldn't cure allergies he sighed and said, "You should rest…you should be having green tea, hot towels over your head and take some pain killers."

L looked away as if bothered, so Raito queried, "What's wrong?"

L sighed loudly as he murmured, "It all just sounds like a lot to do; sounds rather tedious…"

Raito glared; _that asshole! I'm trying to help him and all he can do is __complain__?! He never changes, the freak…_

Raito clenched his teeth and nearly snarled, "Look, Ryuuzaki, you have to take care of these things or not feel better as fast. What would like to do?"

L sighed and closed his eyes as he replied, "Fine, Light-kun, fetch me whatever it is that will cure this pain."

Raito was right about to lean over and strangle the detective, but swallowed his pride and stood. He made a point to make a slightly painful tug on the chain as it stretched to the bathroom. He found a small bottle of Tylenol and spilled two of the small pills into his palm; he put it away then traveled to the kitchen. He realized that the chain was stretching and L was most likely falling off the bed, but he couldn't have cared less. He began boiling water and set up a small glass with a green tea bag and four sugars; he knew L was a sugar-psycho so he assumed L would take at the very least four sugars. As the water was boiling he ran hot water over a small hand-towel and returned to the bedroom. He came up to the detective who had gathered himself on the bed again and placed the towel on his forehead. L's wide black eyes stared up to the teenage boy innocently.

Raito paid no attention to the fascinated glint in them and walked off a little more, turning the television on to the Cold Case Files; something to entertain L. After about twenty minutes the water began to boil and Raito headed over to the whistling room. He poured the hot water into the glass with the four sugars and green tea bag and came back to L. He settled the glass down on the bedside table with the Tylenol and told L to take them. After all was finished and done Raito went to take a book from the desk across the room. He picked up his book then he looked back to L. L's digits were curled over the blanket, pulling it up to his chin that held his pout. His wide eyes were following Raito's and he had a very slight tinge of pink in his cheeks as he broke the silence; "Light-kun…"

Raito was taken aback by the vulnerability in L's voice as he continued, "I am sorry that I treated you like a servant…I think this illness may cause me to be irritable…thank you for your help…"

Raito blushed and looked away, trying to bleach the red that stained his face as he replied, "Don't mention it, Ryuuzaki…"

L looked away and added, "I think I do remember some green tea when I was young…"

Raito looked back to L with soft eyes. He returned to the comforters with his book and began to read. He felt L's eyes on him and returned the pressing gaze. Raito asked curiously, "What?"

L told him, "I have already solved this old case. I cannot believe it took them three years to solve it."

"Well, they didn't have evidentiary support." Raito chided

"Then I may be hunting Kira forever…"

Raito looked back to L; L's pale features never missing a beat in sending chills down Raito's spine. Lying there, the towel removed from his brow with black hair spread in all directions like crows feathers. His pallid expression, his boney structure, his black, endless eyes like a black hole sucking in all the attention of all the energies in the room. His looks symmetrical and warming as they were ice cold; he was deafeningly beautiful. L lie there like an abandoned porcelain doll, or a foggy portrait of a vampire. No matter what L resembled, L was intimidating in his looks alone.

"I hope not." Raito lied

L moved his eyes to Raito's as if there was a dark ambition hidden behind them. To Raito's surprise L only sighed and told him, "I suppose that's all you're capable of."


	5. Maybe I've Lost My Mind

Raito sighed as he finished the book and shut its contents. He turned over, facing L. He twitched a little to find the detective already staring at him. He sank one of his brows in confusion as he asked L, "Have you been watching me all this time?"

"Yes." L replied simply

Raito's brows curved and he didn't know why he stammered when he queried, "…w-why?"

L looked away for a moment in thought and told him honestly, "Well…to be put simply, so as not to drag on a long explanation as to why I would stare at you for a strangely elongated gap of time…I am admiring you, Light-kun."

Raito tried to fight it off, but he couldn't stop the blood from rushing to his face. He continued to stare into L's inhumanly beautiful eyes and responded deadpan, "Admiring, Ryuuzaki?"

"Yes, Light-kun, admiring. When I was lying in bed and you had given me my hot towel, I made a most intriguing observation."

"Of?"

"Of the fact that although I disagree with most everything Ms. Misa Amane does with her time and efforts, that I would agree with her on the suddenly clear fact that you are a very beautiful human specimen."

Raito wanted to role his eyes; L referring to him as if he were a bug or separate species. He found no reason, though, to not mention it.

"Specimen, Ryuuzaki?"

"I call you a specimen, Light-kun, because I think of you as a human being. Not as a boy. You see, genders do not apply to me because I do not prefer either and that is because I do not concern myself with sexuality. I am simply making a statement that compared to other human beings I have observed, I find you strangely beautiful." L replied, stoic and unchanging as always

Raito reddened further, if at all possible.

"But if you came to the conclusion that I am…beautiful…then you must have put some amount of thought to it."

"You are correct in thinking that, Light-kun."

"Well…" Raito began, "…then…then you had been admiring me for a long while?"

"Fairley long, I had only made the observation an hour or so ago."

"But that means for that short while when you were admiring me that you considered me a boy rather than a human, meaning that for that short while you were…"

"Homosexual? Agreed. It was a strange sensation, but I dare no revisit it. It only caused bothersome fluttering in my stomach and an extra, unwelcomed pain below my abdomen." L admitted emotionlessly

Raito was so red, he was quite sure his face was going to spontaneously combust. He looked away; L's vampire eyes were probably the cause. He closed his eyes and exhaled deeply.

"So…what are your thoughts, then?" Raito asked innocently

L looked away, thumb between his lips as he uttered, "My thoughts…well, the few conclusions I have come to are that I am hungry for strawberry cheese cake, that green tea is repulsive despite the four sugars you so generously placed in for me, that I am astonishingly tired and that you are possibly the most beautiful human boy I have ever seen."

Raito looked back to the detective. L looked to him, his usually wide eyes hanging; nearly bedroom eyes. It only proved to make Raito nervous. L sighed and told Raito softly, "I think I may developing a fever."

Raito snickered and leaned forward; resting his forehead against L's. He smiled with his eyes closed and told him, "You've got a cold, Ryuuzaki."

L sighed and Raito was surprised to find that L's breath was fragrant yet somehow unsweetened. L then told Raito softly, "Light-kun…my head does not cooperate kindly with fevers. I may say some things that are…disturbing or revealing in some sense. I am sorry if I in turn do not recall saying them or say something that provokes anger in you, Light-kun. I do not mean any of it."

Raito's smile and blush grew more grand as he backed away a little from L's pallid face and told him, "Don't worry, Ryuuzaki, I understand."

Raito was about to turn over when he felt L's arm twist over his. He looked back in his half-turn and saw the sadness and insecurity twinkling in L's onyx eyes as he nearly whimpered, "Light-kun…please remain facing me…"

Raito blushed more deeply yet again, asking, "Ehm...why, Ryuuzaki?"

Raito did as he was told, though and L's hand removed itself more quickly than Raito would have liked it to. Raito lie staring at the detective as he muttered almost inaudibly, "Because I want to sleep."

Raito gulped; he remembered the terror it had caused him when he woke that morning to find L sleeping. He continued to interrogate; "Why?"

"You said yourself that I need rest to recover and as of right now I am seventy-three point seven percent sure that I will still be in this caliber of illness in the morning if not worse. This of course meaning I should perhaps try and hurry my healing process. Not to mention I am very tired."

"No, that's not what I meant…" Raito began, "I meant…why do you need me to face you?"

L smiled childishly as he closed his eyes and murmured, "Because then you'll be the first thing I see when I wake."


	6. Signed, Sincerely Me

Raito lied beside the sleuth for the hours that he slept. He wondered if it bothered L that he was watching him. Then maybe if L was possibly so socially awkward that he did not even sense tension with eyes on him as he tried to rest. Raito smiled softly as he turned a little more towards L, lifting his thin but strong arm over L's snow-white cheek. He dare not touch L, though. The boy who lie before him was much more than what he appeared. He was a detective; three best to be precise. He was a qualified genius, he could have you believe he was trained in fighting, so strong that his round-house kick could send even this youthful, healthy, intelligent Raito flying across the room. L was a master of disguises and aliases, he was threatening, but in the same moment, laughable. He looked like a phantom and acted in that manner; so quiet, reserved and strange that he was barely there at all. Like a vampire, disappearing in the blink of an eye if you so look away for even a moment; so silent in his motions and so precise. Raito was quite sure, though he would never admit it, that if L were Kira and he were L, L would have done away with him long ago somehow. Raito was disturbed to find that his brain had called L a "boy".

"You can touch me if you like, Light-kun." His soft voice came

Raito blushed and flinched away a little. He asked "W-what?" and L's voice echoed,

"You are hovering over me, and if you would like to pet me I wanted you to know that it does not bother me."

Raito's expression softened and calmed again as his arm began to relax its stretched tension. His fingers were almost numbing with the electricity in them; so anxious to touch the detective seemingly made of glass. He finally, though, rested his hand gingerly on L's charcoal, feathery hair and cheek. L's brows curved and Raito was going to move away, thinking that perhaps L had changed his opinion after feeling his hand on him, but he couldn't bring himself to tear away from the sleuth. Instead he asked concerned, "What's wrong, Ryuuzaki?"

L told him in a mumble, "It confuses me somewhat. You never seem scared if the fact that you are being suspected of Kira, suspected of mass murder…but when you want to rest a simple limb on me, you are frightened and uncomfortable."

Raito's eyes sank lowly at the reminder of his position in the Kira case. He sighed and involuntarily coated his fingers more deeply in the black labyrinth of L's hair. He replied slowly,

"It confuses me too, Ryuuzaki…"

There was a short silence, appearing only tense to Raito. L broke the short silence by asking as if he were asking for the time, "Light-kun, if I were to die, would you be sad?"

Raito's face went pale for a moment before responding rushed, "Of course, Ryuuzaki…I would be devastated…why?"

"When I was watching those Cold Case Files, there was a young friend of the victim there and she was crying for her lost friend."

"So?" Raito pressed

"So…I thought that perhaps true friends cry for each other when one dies before another." L concluded

"Well," Raito began conversationally, "I suppose it would have to depend on how you died."

"Oh?"

"Yes, because if you took your own life, Ryuuzaki, I would not be sad for you, I would be sad for me. If you were killed, I would be sad for both of us. If you were ill or injured and died in the healing process…like a coma or something to that nature, then I wouldn't sad for either of us. Because then I wouldn't have to see you in pain anymore and you wouldn't be in any pain anymore."

Raito watched as L's wide eyes opened to him revealing a smoky, visible film of sincere emotion. Raito blushed, it was so real and there staring at him; admiration.

"That makes me very happy, Light-kun."

Raito's hand was still entwined in the sleeves of black silk that was L's hair as he smiled honestly and told L simply, "That's all that I want, then."


	7. Wish For Better Days

**Hey, guys. It's pretty short…****sorreh****, I've been super-busy, but I'm ****tryin****' my best to keep this ****cookin****'. Hope you guys like the new chapter; thanks again for all PMs, comments/reviews**** all are extremely, extremely appreciated:**

"Really?" L asked curiously, seeming fascinated by the concept

Raito had caught himself when he heard the interest in L's voice. He realized he had something his heart told him to and his brain had not. He blushed, angry with himself and thoroughly embarrassed. He stammered in response, "Y-yes, Ryuuzaki…"

L smiled and to Raito's immense surprise L pressed against his hand. Raito's face only darkened by ten more shades at the clear cuddle that L was giving to his palm. L told him, "That is flattering, Light-kun..."

Raito gulped inaudibly and trailed, "R-Ryuuzaki…"

Raito's eyes opened a little more widely, worried of what was to come when L shot his eyes to his. He watched as L leaned forward towards him. He was so frightened that L was about to kiss him that he closed his eyes tightly, but he was greeted with something much more confusing. He felt L's cold nose wiggle its way between his cheek and the pillow. L's cheek ran against his and L repeated the affectionate brushing that he had shown to Raito's palm. Raito blushed, keeping his eyes shut as L traveled back towards the surface and very lightly, almost not at all, rested his lips against the tender flesh beneath Raito's eye. It was heated and probably pulsating under L's surprisingly soft lips but Raito did not stop the boy from staying there. Raito finally let his eyes relax as he realized that L was not going to move from that place. He finally asked, "Ryuuzaki…w-what are you doing?"

L moved his cold lips away from Raito as he replied, "I'm sorry, Light-kun. I am sure by now you know that I am not incredibly good at dealing with humans and their nature…there was a time a while back when I wanted to thank you for something that I can't currently recall. I know how…strange I may appear and I know I am not good at explaining how I feel…so I ended up asking Ms. Amane how one portrays an emotion without words. She described to me these types of motions."

Raito was not at first able to translate any of what L said into something that would make him suspicious. The first thing that greeted Raito's instinct was actually the urge to lean forward and capture L's ice lips in his own. He had a mental shake then looked to L and asked, "Why would you thank me for saying—"

"Because you are the only person who would." L interjected

Raito frowned, muttering, "That's certainly untrue, Ryuuzaki…"

L's deadpan expression never changed as he told Raito sincerely, "It is, Light-kun. And in any case, you are the only person I want to be happy as well, so I am content with the fact that you are the only one who would wish the same for me."

"That's not true, Ryuuzaki…how am I the only one?" Raito begged, "You save so many people, put away so many criminals, how could you say you only want me to be happy?"

L replied slowly, "There is a thin line between being friendly and being a friend, Light-kun. Those people out there…they don't know me. And I don't know them. I think it inhumane, though to not fight for another's life. An Orangutan may watch as another is killed in silence, but we are not as animals and I will not stand idly by as another human life is taken prematurely. So I help in every way I can. But, you, Light-kun, are my friend. Justice is a balance—the only true balance in mankind—and it functions on truth alone. It is like a computer. It has no emotions, it does not cling and does not waver. It looks at the facts solely. But you unbalance me, Light-kun. I wish for your happiness because I care about you beyond all others. I care about you because you are my only friend and I would find it a sin if anyone were to ever harm you without good cause. That is why I speak this truth, Light-kun."

Raito's eyes had grown wide and overwhelmed at L's almost sudden confession. He smiled, though and ignored his brain screaming at him that it was wrong for once. He ignored the deductions and scoldings in his head as he leaned forward and fit his warm nose and cheek under L's. He ran against him then stopped below L's half-closed eye, closed his own eyes and pressed a small, timid kiss against L. Raito wanted to chuckle as he felt L's cheeks go from frigid, ghostly cold to blushing, bashful hot. He felt L's long, thick lashes brush against his nose as L closed his eyes. Raito pulled away after a few long moments and added softly, "Thank you."


	8. You Think I'm Playing Mind Games?

Raito had much later convinced L that he needed more sleep, and L followed said orders. It wasn't much later, though, L woke up. L sighed deeply every time he came to from sleep, Raito noted. Raito also noted that as L lurched forward to sit up his feathery, silk hair was messy and in all directions; Raito's brain made a secret note of how endearing he found that small trait. He smiled as L looked to him with his usual low eyes.

"What is the time, Light-kun?" L asked curiously

Raito looked to the digital clock behind him and recited, "Nine O'clock, Ryuuzaki."

L nodded and queried, "Play with me, Light-kun?"

Raito had not been looking at L when this request filled the air, but that did not hinder the furious red that flooded Raito's face. He turned to L and stammered nervously, "W-what?"

The blush only spread and deepened when he look directly at the detective. L's eyes were fully open now, innocent and sparkling. His cheeks had a tinge of pink, barely there at all, but to Raito it was obvious. L seemed unbothered or possibly ignorant to the sexual undertone in his last statement. That only drove Raito more insane.

"Play with me. A game or something. That is what friends do, no?"

Raito's blush died out a little, relaxing once he realized the cleanliness of L's conversation. He smiled, sighing and replying, "Ehm…sure…but we don't have any games."

"Do you not know word games?" L pressed

"Word games?"

"As in "Truth or Dare", or "Ten Questions"." L explained

Raito considered these to be traps, but deducted that he would seem more suspicious if he denied L his games. He convinced himself he would not give anything away.

"Alright…ten questions."

"You begin." L stated excitedly as a childish grin spread across his face

"Ehm…are you over thirty?"

"No."

"Under twenty?"

"Yes."

"A celebrity?"

"Not quite."

"Not quite? Elaborate."

"I am well-known, but not internationally."

"What are you known for?"

"My remarkably high grades, involvement with celebrities, and my good looks."

Raito snorted a laugh and continued, "What area of the media are you involved with?"

"Modeling and news."

"News? Are you an anchor?"

"No."

"What involvement do you have with the news?"

"I have helped solve homicide investigations and I am a notorious play-boy."

"Play-boy? An adult performer?"

"No."

"How a play-boy?"

"Because of my said good-looks I attract all sexes no matter where I go and every woman I have encountered for more than two minutes has claimed to have fallen in love with me."

"Ehm…are—"

"Eh-eh-eh, it's been ten questions, Light-kun."

"Hmm…are you…" Raito trailed off in thought

"Surely this isn't too hard for you."

Raito looked back to L and finally guessed, "…are you me?"

"Yes! Light Yagami!"

Raito couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his throat, L then asked, "Would you like to go now?"

Raito replied, "Yes, I think I can do this."

"Are you famous?"

"Extremely."

"Have you written a well-known book or song to become famous?"

"Not as far as I know."

"Are you involved in the government?"

"Yes."

"Have you been on television?"

"Yes."

"So the world knows you?"

"Not at all."

"But you are famous?"

"Very much so, and you're wasting questions."

L sighed and interjected, "Are you a criminal?"

"No."

"Are you suspected of being a criminal?"

"No."

"Does the world adore you?"

"Not the entire world."

"Finally, are you very good looking?"

"…what does that have to do with anything?" Raito replied reluctantly

"Well from the following questions I have eliminated all people you know with exception to myself and modeling media star Miyako Miyazaki. So if you say yes I know you are talking about Miyako, if you reply no, then I know you are talking about me. Now, are you good looking?"

Raito did not hesitate in answering, "Yes."

"Ah, so you are Miyako Miyazaki." L concluded incorrectly

"No, Ryuuzaki, I am you."

"Me?" L asked in disbelief

Raito chuckled endearingly and smirked, "Yes, you, Ryuuzaki. You are very good-looking. I don't know how you take care of yourself and maintain your looks with the way you eat and live, but it is true."

L blushed lightly and muttered shyly, "Let us forget this game. Truth or Dare, does that interest you, Light-kun?"

Raito perked his brows and thought for a moment before responding confidently, "Yeah, sure."

"Truth or Dare, Light-kun?"

Raito thought for a moment. If he chose dare, which was favorable to him, then L may suspect that he is purposely avoiding a truthful answer. If he chose dare, knowing L, he may ask for him to tell the truth for a specific question. Either way he would be made to answer a tough question, but if he didn't choose truth then he would seem suspicious.

"Truth, I suppose." Raito stated aloofly

"What does a human taste like?"

Raito blushed furiously before asking, "W-what?"

"What does a human taste like?"

"W-why would you ask me s-something like that?" Raito stuttered, shocked

"You kiss many girls, and I have never placed my mouth, much less my tongue on another human and I am curious as to how they taste." L proposed

Raito's eyes were still wide as his face was red. He swallowed nervously before finally answering, "They…taste…uhm…good, I guess?"

"Good, you guess? Come now, Light-kun, I am a young man who has never experienced something usual to you. You must have some more details than 'good, I guess'?"

Raito thought for a moment, his brain screaming at him to just turn his back to the sleuth or reach forward and punch his face. He didn't though, too overwhelmed with embarrassment. He instead answered the detective, "They…they taste good. It's not…it's not so much the taste, Ryuuzaki as it is the feeling…but I don't think I've ever kissed a girl that I felt strongly for, so I can't describe what a…a real kiss feels like…I didn't feel loyal to them, ya know? They just didn't understand me…"

L seemed to have absorbed Raito's rant with fascination and told him simply, "Then perhaps there will come a day when we will both know what a true kiss is."


	9. The Worm and the Bird

Raito and L sat up all night; Raito humoring L and his childish demands. It was about two in the morning when L asked softly, "Light-kun…earlier you stated that you never felt strongly for the girls you kissed."

"Yes. What about it?"

"Well, I am no one to be directing affections, but…why would you kiss a person you did not feel strongly for?" L queried

Raito thought for a moment. He knew what his real answer was. He knew what the truthful answer was, but the truthful answer was incriminating and suspicious. He was narrowing his eyes, ready to spill another lie onto the detective, but when he looked into L's eyes…

"For control."

Raito wanted to clasp his hand over his mouth in horror…he hadn't meant to tell him his answer…

"Control, Light-kun?"

There was no getting out now.

"Yeah…I mean…sometimes, Ryuuzaki…sometimes I feel like…like…I feel like I can't do anything. This world, this universe is always expanding. Growing larger, more dangerous, more free, more bloody and I can't do anything. I can't stop the bad people, I can't help the good…and when I see a girl standing before me, telling me she'd give her life to be with me…I will kiss her…because she knows what she wants, and that's more than I can say for me…"

L seemed to think on his answer for a moment then replied, "Then you are not kissing for control, Light-kun…you are kissing because you honor them."

Raito blushed as his eyes widened to some degree. He stared at L's endless pools of black as he wondered aloud, "…so I kiss the people…I honor?"

"I suppose honor is not a strong enough emotion for you to dedicate you life and what I know to be 'love' to one person…am I right?" L hypothesized

Raito was staring at L, dumbfounded. Long ago, before a greater power had chosen Raito to be humanity's martyr and was assigned this book of divine justice, he had a dream. He had a dream that someday he would be as his father, a detective or high-ranking officer. Someone who helped the needy, gave hope to the hopeless, had faith in the faithless, someone naturally pure and good. And because of that far-away dream, long bloodied and stained, in some strange sense…he honored L as well. No, there was no need to hide it from himself. He honored L. He adored L, wished he could be L. A man, who despite being limited to human abilities, would not stand idly by as someone he didn't know was finished prematurely. A man, whom by all means, was strange, awkward, sadistic and socially unacceptable…a man who truly sacrificed everything he could have had to spend his entire life in hiding. To spend his entire life protecting.

"That may be true, Ryuuzaki, but…" Raito trailed off…

"But?" L pressed

"But…I…I honor you too…" Raito admitted insecurely

L did not seem repulsed or offended as Raito had imagined he would. L soon replied swiftly,

"That is all good and well, thank you, Light-kun, but I would never allow you to kiss me."

Raito's head filled with something akin frustration or…or sorrow?

"R-Ryuuzaki?"

"Because, Light-kun…when and if I do ever have a first kiss, I want it to be pure and meaningful. I don't want to be one more down on someone's list. Do you understand, Light-kun?" L elaborated

"Yes," Raito blushed, "Yes, I think I understand."


	10. My Heart Always Speaks

**Sorry for taking so long, guys, but now that I'm done with my South Park ****fanfiction**** I can concentrate a lot more on ****this :D**

**Hope you guys like your latest update and I'll be updating much more frequently! Review/PM please!**

Another day Raito woke to only to find L sleeping again. It did not frighten him as much as it had the first time, but it still did send waves of shock through him to see the detective so restful looking. He smiled as L's expected deep intake sounded and L opened his eyes to Raito. He muttered in a rigid morning voice, "Good morning, Light-kun."

Raito smiled and replied, "Yes, good morning, Ryuuzaki…are you well enough to go into work this morning."

L stared at Raito for a long while; Raito did not question the intent gaze. After a few long moments L finally told him, "No. I am not prepared to return to work. My concentration level is depressing, my head is still in pain in its fever and I wish to rest another day."

Raito smiled; another day of rest in bed, he could think of nothing better.

"Of course, Ryuuzaki, really you over-work yourself, it's fine to take two days off to work out a fever."

L nodded and looked beside him at his table and lamp, then turned to Raito again. He sat up a little and leaned over Raito, his lanky arm stretching over Raito's shoulder as his chest rested against Raito's. He finally reached the phone and dialed Watari's number as he hovered against Raito, then placed the phone to his ear.

"Watari? I am remaining home another day. I have a fever which I must…"

There was a long pause, "Of course…no, I don't believe he…then when? Exactly. Of course I understand…Watari, no one knows my responsibilities more than I…you are ranting, Watari…I'm going to hang-up, Watari…Watari, I am hanging up now…no, I will not pick up again…alright, I'm hanging up…"

With that L took the phone to the front of his face, took his spidery finger and pressed it against one of the buttons. He looked to Raito then and said, "He is so difficult…"

"Difficult?"

"Yes and difficult to explain, so I will not go into detail."

"Ah."

Raito sighed and told L simply, "I am still very tired…I'm going to go back to sleep…that is," he paused to meet eyes with L, "Unless you need something of me."

L shook his head negatively and told Raito, "No, I am quite fine. You should rest, Light-kun."

Raito smiled, yawned and replied as he turned in the covers, "Very well, wake me if you need me, Ryuuzaki."

And with that he fell asleep.

_What is it…that I'm doing? Being alone with L…is so much different than…than when we're being watched…I trust him not to hurt me…and he bestows that same trust into me…why? He knows what I am! He knows…so…why does he tell me meaningless things? Like, __Watari__ is difficult or why does he want to play games with me? What is it…that I'm going here?_

Raito woke and rolled over; he was fully prepared to gasp and stutter an apology for rolling onto L, but he was shocked to find no one there. He blinked his eyes fully open, for some unknown reason worry and sorrow washed over him, but it was gone as quickly as it came. He looked up, a few feet from the edge of his side of the bed stood L. He was crouched over, as always, staring out of the large window. His eyes were low, his lashes casting shadows down his cheeks as he admired a small flower in his hand. The flower was thin and small, there were few petals but the eight that were there were a vibrant yellow. L twirled it between his fingers as his voice broke the silence;

"I let myself fall. I let myself fall in love with you. There's no turning back. There's no turning back since I let myself fall in love with you. Now I picture things like wedding gowns and wedding rings, since I let myself fall in love with you."

"…Ryuuzaki?" Raito enjoined

L turned to him; the light running over his side and casting marvelous shadows across his startlingly handsome face. His eyes were low, but sparkling with purpose, almost sad or pleasurably pained as he uttered softly, "Does that not intrigue you?"

"W-what?"

"Those are lyrics. They are interesting to me." L stated simply and quietly

"Why?" Raito inquired

"Do you believe that you can stop yourself from falling in love with someone? The woman who wrote the song implies that she chose to allow herself to feel love for another person. Does one choose their love, or is love a happening upon fate? Do you think that perhaps…we cannot stop who we fall in love with?" L elaborated nearly inaudibly

"…Ryuuzaki…you took the chains off?"

L smiled; exciting all of Raito's senses as he walked a few steps towards the bed and fashioned his wrist to Raito. There was a dark bruise around it.

"Are you okay? Does it hurt?" Raito questioned as he instinctively grasped the boy's wrist and examined it

"I will survive, if that is what you mean. It hurts only slightly."

Raito looked up to him and stated, "This is interesting to me."

L tilted his head cutely, wondering, "Why?"

"You trusted me enough to unlock me."

"And?" L pressed

"Do you believe you choose who you trust, or you cannot help yourself?"

L smiled again, leaning towards Raito and so lightly, that he barely at all rested his ice cold lips against Raito's jaw-line. Raito blushed furiously as L moved away from him after a long moment. Raito stuttered, "W-why did you do that?"

"Because I find your questions honorable."


	11. I Never Imagined All We Had

**Hope you guys like your new, shiny ****chapter :D**

Two silent hours passed, the chains were off, but they both still remained in the room. Raito didn't know why he felt in debt to L for L's trust in him, but he did, so he decided he would not betray L's trust. At least not this day. Not today.

"Ryuuzaki…" Raito trailed from the kitchen. He wasn't entirely sure why he said it, but he wanted to hear it.

"Yes?" he was surprised to hear from the bed

He turned from making tea to look into the room. He was startled out of his comfort to see L sprawled across the top cover. His arms were hanging over the foot of the bed, his legs were spread, on foot hanging over the side while the other rested on a pillow. His hair was falling from his head like feathery, silk springs. His owlish, child-like eyes were gazing at Raito as he asked, "You called for me, Light-kun?"

Raito flustered softly, replying, "Uhm…n-no…uh…oh, uhm, do you want any tea, Ryuuzaki? I'm making and I figured I would ask…uhm…do you…want?"

Raito wanted to smack himself for his graceless stuttering. L was surely on to him, L would surely see through his lies.

"Hmm…very well."

Raito nodded and returned to the kitchen. He set up two glasses with tea bags in them, one with one sugar and the other with five. He hoped L would appreciate it.

"Lighhht-kuuun…" L chimed from the bedroom

Raito cocked a brow and looked back into the room, inquiring, "Ryuuzaki?"

L was pouting childishly, requesting, "Light-kun…come here please…"

Raito swallowed inaudibly, it was hot and difficult to gulp, but his nerves forced it down. He approached the sprawled, lanky boy, and asked, "What is it you want, Ryuuzaki?"

L reached his arms up straight and told him, "I wish for you to embrace me, Light-kun."

Raito's face flooded with red, a sound or whimper of vulnerability escaping his lips as he stammered, "W-what?"

"A hug, Light-kun…I want a hug."

Raito took a moment to register what L was telling him, then followed the friendly orders. He awkwardly sat down beside L and leaned forward slowly, allowing his heated face to rest in the chilly crook of L's neck. His strong arms very slowly wrapped around L's frail frame as L locked his spidery arms around Raito's back. Raito stayed there for a while, in the chill of L's icy neck as he felt L's digits tighten around his shoulders. He could have sworn he heard L stop a whimpered cry half-way before L requested in a hush, "Please, Light-kun…tell me you aren't Kira."

Raito's eyes widened in L's hold as he enjoined, "…but, Ryuuzaki…you never believe me…"

He could feel L's long lashes watering against his ear as L added, "I want to believe you, so terribly though…Light-kun…please…please just tell me, convince me you don't want me dead…"

Raito looked away; in this moment, in these past two days, he hadn't wanted anything ill to befall the detective. He had…somehow become…something precious…

"Ryuu-…L…I want you to stay with me…I could never want you dead, L…I am not Kira."

"Light-kun…do you still honor me? Can you honor me despite the fact that I am weaker than I appear? Could you ever honor…someone like me, Light-kun?"

Raito tore away from L and told him, "L…I do honor you, and I always will…you aren't weak, L…you're human…the most humane person I've ever known…"

"Light-kun…I wish that I didn't have to live so alone…I wish I didn't…I wish I didn't honor you as I do…"

"L…" Raito began, "…you're not sick."

"What ever could you mean, Light-kun?" L quizzed

"Your neck…it's cold…a fever radiates from the forehead and neck…you're not ill…"

L's eyes seemed to darken as he replied, "You are quite perceptive, Light-kun, but then again…I would expect nothing less. You are right, I was never ill. I rested the lamp against my forehead only minutes prior to you feeling it the other morning."

"…why?"

L looked away, still never moving his arms from Raito's shoulders and back as he told him, "Perhaps…it is because I cannot chose who I trust, nor who I love nor who I honor…do you agree?"

"I don't know what you're saying, L."

"Although you are a young man of shining brilliance, Light-kun, this does not surprise me. Are you not sad, Light-kun? Are you not sad that you have to hate me? That you have to someday kill me?"

"I'm not Kira!" Raito snapped

"Are you not angry that I care so deeply about you, but you will purge me from this world? Are you not angry that you've tricked me into believing you care at all?"

"I am not Kira!" He defended

L's sad eyes, endless pits of twisting black holes aligned with stars and galaxies of ink softened as he told Raito gratefully, "Thank you, Light-kun."

"What will it take? What will it take for you to believe me?" Raito begged

"More than you're willing to offer." L stated stoically

Raito leaned forward, running his hand across L's cold cheek as he told him, "There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, L."

"Your lies warm me, Light-kun, but loving lies cannot last forever."

"That is not a lie, L…of that…of that one fact, I can assure you. I would do…anything for you, L."

Why? Why were these words coming so naturally to Raito? Why did they feel so real? So honest? Why was he saying this…why?

"And how can you assure me?" L pressed, unconvinced

"Because…I feel loyal to you…and that loyalty, that…honor…that trust…that…it can make the feeling…"

"…of a kiss?" L suggested

"A real kiss." Raito murmured as he lowered himself towards L's pinkish face

Their lips were not an inch apart when a startling whistle sounded from the kitchen and Raito's senses snapped into action. He shot away from L, their eyes widely gazing at each other, silently promising they would never mention what had almost happened. Raito stood and walked to the kitchen, pouring the tea, then leaning against his palms on the counter.

_What am I doing?_


	12. If Only I Had Something Charming to Say

**:D You'll hate me for this ****cliffhanger :P**

"I like sushi." Raito randomly stated as he examined his sushi role between his chopsticks

L fell onto his back, looking up at Raito with childish, wide eyes as his hair hung from the side. He popped a strawberry into his mouth and replied, "I like cake."

"You're not eating cake, Ryuuzaki. You just ate a strawberry." Raito told him

"Indeed, Light-kun. That does not change the fact that I like cake."

Raito turned the role between his chopsticks, watching the rice glisten in the dim lighting of the room as he mentioned, "Do you mean to say you prefer cake over strawberries?"

L's eyes rolled away for a moment in thought before telling Raito, "I think I prefer strawberries."

"And why is that?" Raito interviewed conversationally

"I suppose because everything I eat is sweet, and although strawberries may seem bitter at first taste, there is a miraculous flood of sweetness deep inside it. I suppose I prefer them because they remind me of you." L concluded

Raito flustered, looking down at L's stoic expression as L asked, "What about you, why do you like sushi?"

Raito looked to the roll again, trying to bleach the pink that had stained his cheeks as he answered, "It isn't a pretty package, Ryuuzaki. Sushi is a combination of raw fish, vomit-green seaweed wrapped beneath sticky rice. It appears…disgusting on the outside…but once you have a taste, you can't give it up. I like it…because it reminds me of you, Ryuuzaki."

That is when something occurred that Raito had never expected. He had looked down at L and there was something there. Every other day he had known L personally, he would look into his eyes and see nothing but endless black. There was nothing revealed, nothing that could be determined or translated. But on this day, in this moment for some reason that Raito was hungry to find, there was a sparkle in L's eyes. There was a glint of some emotion, there was a swirling depth to them.

"Ryuuzaki…"

"Yes, Light-kun?" L asked curiously

"I want to kiss you."

L did not reply for a long time. After two whole silent minutes passed L finally replied, "Do you recall when made a physical confrontation? It was early into my twenty-four hour, seven-days-a-week watch over you; when I had first chained us. Do you recall us throwing some fists, Light-kun?"

"…yes." Raito reluctantly agreed

"When I lifted your shirt, I examined your stomach; you are very fit."

Raito fumed, "Stop dancing, Ryuuzaki! I said I want to kiss you! Can you not hear me?!"

L sat up, their faces only inches apart as L told him, "And what would you like me to do about that, Light-kun? Would you like me to kiss you? Is kiss you what I'm supposed to do? Do you want to touch me, Light-kun and would you want me to touch you back? What is it that you expect from me, who do you think I am?"

Raito was taken aback by the list as L continued, "I am not Ms. Amane who so wishes for you to touch and caress her. I have never been treated in such away, thus I am in need of none."

L's eyes and voice very suddenly grew soft and velvet as he lifted and ran his spidery hand against Raito's cheek as he added, "You, though, Light-kun…are beautiful."

Raito's face grew crimson as L continued, "You are beautiful, Light-kun, you are brilliant, chest-nut colored, silk hair, soft maroon eyes, dexterous and experience hands…your presence radiates grace and majesty…are those not the words you wished to hear from me? Is that enough to fill whatever infatuation for me you currently have?"

Raito slowly moved his hands up to L's cheeks, cupping them as L was to his as he told L, "No, Ryuuzaki…it is far from enough to fill me…the feeling I have for you…you are not like the women I have seduced so easily…your presence is fleeting, never remaining for long. You are so silent and…godly…it is not enough to hear those words from you, because what I want to do…is make you feel as I do. What I want to do…is tell you those things."

Raito pressed L against the bed, only slightly pressing his groin against L's as he rested his lips in the crook of L's neck. L shuddered at the contact and stammered uncharacteristically, "L-Light-kun! I am not beautiful! I am nothing alike to you, leave me be!"

Raito breathed L's strangely minty scent in as he ran his nose and lips against the side of L's visage. He muttered, "L, you are beautiful to me."

"L-Light-kun…please! Don't! W-what of my eating habits?!" L tried to convince

"I find it adorable." Raito muttered against L's hair

"N-no! M-my…my…my crouchiness! You hate my crouched position!" L pressed

Raito flicked his hot tongue against L's cold skin, retrieving a rewarding whimper from L that he craved to hear again. He uttered softly, "I find it poetic and intriguing. You are a fascinating, artistic delicacy. I will not end this assault, although your will-power is shining, L. It is a wonderful effort, but I'm sorry to report that it shall prove fruitless."

Raito lifted himself over L again, his lips hovering not a centimeter from L's, their noses just touching as Raito's hot words broke against L's mouth, outlining, "I want to kiss you, L…I want to kiss you so badly…"

"Light…"

"…will you let me?"


	13. My Almost Lover, My Hopeless Dream

**Kinda**** short; sorry guys, I'll be back soon with a longer one:D**

"Please, L…let me kiss you…" Raito begged softly

"L-Light-kun…you can't….w-we shouldn't be…doing anything like this!" L fought

"L…" Raito whispered as he began lowering himself the fraction of centimeter down to reach L's lips; before he could, however, L's hands shot up defensively against Raito's chest.

"Light-k-kun…please…"

"Please, what, L? Can't you see it in my eyes? Can't you read me like a book as you do to everyone else and their secret intentions? Don't you want me just like I want you? Can't you see that there is no one else in the world that I want, but you? Can't you see that Misa just won't do? Can't you see that you are the only one who can bring me to my knees like this? Can't I…kiss you?" Raito quizzed desperately

Raito could smell the strawberry radiating from L's breath as it broke against his nearly watering mouth. He was glad that he had not eaten any of the sushi, for then his breath still smelled of mint green tea.

L's eyes were round and wide in surprise, "…L-Light…"

"Now, I like…" Raito paused before regaining their close proximity that was lost to L's shove, "the sound of that."

"K-kun! Kun! Light-kun! You know what I meant!" L pleaded

"I'm not so sure about that, L…" Raito purred, fashioning his bedroom eyes to L

Raito bent down further, running his knee between L's legs while he let his lips part against L's neck. L forced Raito to back away after another moment, again pushing his chest with his spidery digits. L's eyes meeting Raito's made Raito's pounding heart skip a beat as L finally muttered,

"Light-kun…I am…imperfect…and I am…unable to…function in intimate relationships or situations…but…I never want to see you unhappy…I don't know why your frown vexes me, but…I cannot rest unless I know…that you are content…so…"

"So?" Raito anticipated

"So I will allow you to…take one kiss…one only." L muttered, defeated

Raito's eyes sparkled as he sat up, bringing L with him. L looked to him with intimidated, nervous eyes, but it proved to only excite Raito more. He very slowly moved his warm hands against L's cheeks, brushing just under L's lashes with his thumb as he told L, "Thank you."

Raito very slowly came closer to L, savoring the moment until he finally, very lightly, captured L's lips. It wasn't passionate, as Raito's kisses with women usually were. It wasn't stiff, though, either. It was a tender pressure between them, filling Raito with a sense of purity he hadn't felt for years.

After a few long moments the kiss broke and they looked to each other. Raito was shocked to recognize the pain inside him to be his heart pounding against his ribcage.

"You kept calling me L."

Raito gave himself a mental shake, then replied, "Sorry?"

"When you tried to convince me to allow you to kiss me, you kept calling me L rather than Ryuuzaki."

"And?" Raito could not see where he was going with this.

"Does my professional name…give you some feeling of intimacy or emotional closeness?" L pressed

Raito blushed again, telling him, "I…I don't know."

"You do, though, Light-kun. Tell me, do you feel close to me when you call me L?"

Raito was scared to answer; scared that in return he would receive a percentage of how likely it is that he is Kira.

"Does that…compensate?" L asked

"Compensate? For what?"

L gently took Raito's hand in his, bringing it to his racing heart. Raito shot his eyes to L's as he felt L's violent pulse under his fingers; L closed in on Raito, brushing his lips past Raito's cheek, his lashes brushing against Raito's ear. L added,

"Calling me L…does it compensate for this kind of intimacy? Has that compensation grown weak to you? Is it no longer enough to keep you satisfied, thus you hunt for me as you have?"

Raito closed his eyes, reluctantly filled with pleasure at L's proximity.

"I…don't know."

L pulled away, fashioning his electric smile as he replied, "Then tell me when you know."

There was a sudden ring on L's cellphone; he went to reach for it when the door slammed open.

Raito shot his worried eyes to the door; "M-Misa?!"


	14. Should've Known You'd Bring Me Heartache

**NOT THE END: NEW CHAPTER COMING SOON: SORRY FOR THE CLIFFHANGER WITH THIS ONE, GUYS**

**HOPE YOU LIKE IT**

**Oh, and thank you for all of the awesome reviews, guys, it's all really, greatly appreciated and I love hearing from you guys! Thanks so much, hope you like your new chapter!**

"Of course it's me, Light!" She snapped; Raito acknowledged that rather than the satin, smooth feeling it gave him to hear his name without honorifics off the tongue of L, Misa's obnoxious voice felt more like nails against a blackboard.

"What do you mean 'of course'?!" Raito retorted as L finally answered his phone

"When I heard you had been taking care of Ryuuzaki cause he was sick, and then both of you didn't come in again I had to make sure you were feeling well!"

"What? How did you find out where we were?!"

She winked, unsettling Raito's stomach as she murmured, "Oh, I have my ways."

Raito looked to L who was speaking softly on his phone.

"Ah…no. I'm afraid I won't change my mind. You are being straight-forward, but I am offended by your lack of concern for my…no, I never said that. You are putting words in my mouth…that is disgusting, why would you say something—what would ever give you the impression that I…well, I haven't. No…she is right here. No…because I don't want her to talk on my phone. Her ears are always greasy…"

Misa glared at Raito who chuckled, then to L as he muttered, "I am sorry you are so upset but I will not shift my relationship. You want them to…I will tell them, but I cannot be certain that they will do as you wish…yes, well, good-bye."

Raito asked casually, "Who was that?"

"That was your father, Light-kun. He thought something…eh…what is the word…unprofessional, secretive, devious…no, no, no…ah, perverse was happening. Between us, that is."

Raito turned a dark crimson as Misa scoffed. He did not move his eyes to hers as he continued, "So, Ryuuzaki…what did he say?"

"Well, he…Misa, please leave the room for a moment?" L requested

She pouted and grabbed Ratio's arm, purposely running it against her bust that was overflowing from her tight, buckled, black tube-top. Raito was nauseated as she mourned, "Oh, why? I want to stay with Light!"

Raito looked to Misa and told her, "I'm sorry, Misa, but I want to hear what my father wanted to tell me. So…Misa, I will call you when I am available to spend time with you, okay?"

She frowned and fought, "No, no, no! I want to spend time with you now, Light!"

He rolled his eyes, bending down and kissing her cheek softly. He looked to her with serious eyes, never caring about the dark fluster that had flooded her face as he instructed, "Misa…go now, I will call you later."

She smiled stupidly and stammered, "Y-yeah…okay…uhm…bye-bye, Light."

He watched her leave and looked to L who looked oddly pained. He looked to L's wrist, to perhaps see if the bruise was worsening and that was the cause of conflict in L's ivory eyes. There was nothing to be noted, though. He looked back to L's face as the raven-haired boy finally began to speak again,

"Uhm…your father…he wanted you to take Misa out."

"Why?" Raito interviewed, somewhat offended by his father's request.

"He…thinks that you are treating me as a lover rather than your boss."

"That's-" Raito began, but was cut off by L's voice

"True."

"…what?" Raito asked.

"That's true." L turned away from him, "I wanted Misa to leave…because I wanted you…to stay with me. I knew, though, if she heard your father's suggestion she would jump at the chance and steal you away."

Raito blushed, stepping towards L with a hand outstretched, "…L."

"Stop." L mumbled as he turned to Raito again.

"You cannot…call me that. You…can't treat me the way…you have been treating me…"

Raito's hand had fallen to his side and he realized he felt bolted to the floor. He realized how hard it was to speak, how hard it was to fess up, how hard it was to make a sound the moment it came time that his heart so screamed for the other boy…how hard it was to hear that L…didn't want him.

"L-"

"Stop calling me that, Light-kun."

"No."

L cocked a brow and muttered, "Sorry?"

"No. I'm not going to stop…because…my hunger hasn't died for you, L…I want to be close to you."

"Why?"

Raito glared, "What do you mean why?"

"Who would want to be close to me, Light-kun?"

"What are you trying to say?"

"Who else but Kira would want to be close to me, Light-kun?"

A thick silence fell between them as Raito stared wide-eyed to L, L looking sorrowful and pained. Raito took a shaky step forward, stammering, "N-no! No, L, please, I'm not-"

"You're not what, Light-kun? You're not Kira?"

They fell silent again.

"We're alone here, Kira. There are no cameras, no microphones or anything anywhere. I request privacy for this room. There is no one to hear our words but you me and the empty space of white noise."

Raito glared in shock as L continued, "So…you can say it here. You can say that you are Kira. You can tell me how much you want me to die, you can tell me how I meddle with your plans, you can speak of your overwhelming hatred for me…you can tell me everything."

Was it a trick? Was there truly nothing to hide?

"…L…"

"Are you going to say I'm paranoid? I'm a terrible person for accusing you of being Kira? That I'm foolish, stupid, easily swayed or offending you? Do you truly think I am so…dull?"

Raito stormed forward, reaching out to touch L, but he sprang back. Raito let his hand stay in the air of L for a few moments before taking it back and replying, "…I'm…not Kira."

They stared for a long while before L told him, "Those loving lies have been drained of the longevity you had so believed they had. You should go."

Raito's eyes widened as a sharp pain filled his chest and stung in his throat and eyes, "But…"

"You think there is anything you can say that will make me want you to stay, Kira?"

"I'm not-"

"Save your breath."

"…you're right."

L looked to Raito with a strange fascination as Raito continued, "You're right…I'll save my breath…because I'd rather use it to tell you…how…oddly…and…fiercely you've come to warm my

heart…and I would rather use that breath to tell you how deeply you've moved me away from who I used to be…and…I'd rather use that breath to tell you how pure and beautiful the silent moments I have with you are…and I'd rather use that breath…"

There was a long pause as Raito appreciated the intimidated look on L's face, his eyes never wavering as Raito finished, "to tell you how profoundly I love you."


	15. Pull My Heart Out, Reconstruct

**NOT THE END: kinda short, sorry guys, I'll work on it tomorrow too. Hope you enjoy, thanks for all of the reviews and PMs, it's all greatly, greatly appreciated. Hope you enjoy your latest chapter!**

Raito stormed towards the sleuth, violently gripping his wrist, causing a knee to fall hallow against his sudden strength. He glared to L with watering eyes; he was crying? Why was he crying? He never cried. Raito Yagami…never cried.

"Can I tell you, L? Truly, can I confide in you everything that webs through my mind?"

L's eyes were sharp, deadly as he nearly snarled, "Tell me everything that webs through your mind, Kira."

"Kira?"

"I want to know everything. Tell me everything."

L's eyes held something different now. Something dark, twisted; a sick, nearly psychotic, fanatical devotion. He was like a stalker or extreme Kira-fan, hungry to be the first to hear from the killer; a crazed reporter or starving wolf.

"Everything?" Raito asked.

"Everything…tell me." L insisted.

"Fine…I'll tell you everything."

"You will?"

"Yes, let us begin with the start of my day, L." He tightened his hold on L's frail wrist as he continued, "I wake up and hear you sigh to consciousness, unless you've been up all night chewing on your thumb. I listen to you nag and complain about how I have to sleep and deprive you of hours of work with only the desire to hear your voice. I work, but never really concentrate; too fascinated by the perfect ebony your eyes are, the spider-web softness of your pallid skin, your crooked posture and your flawless, stoic face. I examine your lollipops with envy, I think I see you speaking to me in the clouds, or songs I hear on the radio. Then I surround you and everyone else I know with lies upon lies that put them under the impression that I hate you and always will. Then as I get one more night of two to three hours of sleep due to the sound of you sifting through old, repetitive documents to only be haunted by your ghostly presence in my dreams where I can love you…because I love you."

L seemed disgusted or afflicted.

"Stop saying that…word."

"Love?"

"Yes."

"Why? Love reminds me of you. And I love thinking of you. Thinking of you makes me miss you, makes me want to touch you, to kiss you and hold you, but I love it all the same."

"Stop, Kira."

"I won't. I was made to love you, L. You are Love, L. You are desperation, pain, aggravation and rest. You are the only thing real that's left in this godforsaken pit of the universe…you are the only thing. You are everything to me." Raito told him desperately.

"Light-kun…"

"I love you."

"Please…"

"But I love you, L…so I can't stop…I can't…make you into nothing…"

He was shocked as he told Raito, "Light-kun…I…don't know what you're saying…"

Raito shot forward, capturing L's face in his palms as he snapped, "Aren't you listening?! I feel for you something I can't feel for anyone else, something good and pure, something that makes me feel human…I fucking love you, can't you hear me, L? Can't you give me some sign that I'm here at all?!"

He watched in worry as he saw L's hypnotizing eyes fill with…tears?

"…L?"

"…Light-kun…"

"Please…don't call me Kira anymore."

"You're not…Kira?"

"No…I'm not."

There was a long pause, then L lunged forward, capturing Raito's lips and body in his own. He entwined his fingers in Raito's hair, grasping feverously at Raito's neck, collar and jaw as he performed his torrid kiss. Raito's tears dropped against L's as he returned the kiss; when their kiss broke and L looked to him, his eyes sparkling with sadness as he told Raito, "…I want to believe you Light…so for now…I will."

"For now?"

"Love makes fools of all of us."

"You love me, L?"

"I'd like to believe so."

"So you will play lover to me?"

L smiled softly, replying, "I don't know how, so you will have to teach me, but that is something I look forward to. I am looking forward to this educational experience, I think I may learn a lot about humans and their ways."

"You're human too, you know."

"Don't compare me to you." L smirked.

"Alright, but you have to take a few more days off of work for me to teach you how to be my lover. Are you prepared for that?" Raito simpered.

"Very well."

"Oh…and L…"

"Yes?"

Raito grinned viciously, "Call me Sensei."


	16. Kissing The Lipless

**READ THIS****: A lot of you didn't read what was in bold at the top of the last chapter; THAT WASN'T THE END, GRR, READ MY BOLD THINGS, THEY'RE USUALLY ****IMPORTANT ****[**

**Anyway, hope you like the new chapter, thanks for all the reviews and PMs, guys, you're all awesome and thank you for the support; ****NOTE: THIS ISN'T THE END EITHER THIS IS NOT THE END NOT THE END NOT THE END NOT THE END NOT THE END NOT THE END, GOT IT? IT'S NOT THE END…NO, IT'S NOT THE END. OKAY?**

The next day when Raito woke, he found L standing before the window with his lanky hand against the fogged glass. He looked to Raito and stated, "I would greet you, but I am not sure how lovers greet one another, so I am waiting for you to greet me first."

Raito smiled, blushing lightly, "Very well. Good morning, L."

"Good-morning, Light-Sensei."

Raito laughed, causing L to fluster as he muttered, "What is humorous?"

Raito calmed his laughter and replied, "N-nothing, L, I just didn't think you'd actually start calling me Sensei."

"Oh, so I don't have to? Because it is fairly degrading, honestly."

"There is no degrading in love, L. Come here." Raito ordered softly

L followed suit and sat on the edge of the bed, slightly crouched over as usual. Raito leaned forward and kissed L gently. When the kiss broke L asked, "What do you mean there is no degrading in love?"

"Consider this your first lesson in loving, L. There is no way I could degrade you, because lovers are equal. Have you ever heard the quote 'All is fair in love and war'?"

"Of course."

Raito sighed, "Anyway, no one can be degraded because all lovers are equal to their love. Understand?"

L asked, "So the fact that I love you means that no matter who is smarter or more fit for society, we are equivalent?"

"Only in love, though."

"What?"

Raito sighed again, "You love me and I love you, that is equivalent, right?"

"Indeed."

"Right, but…you're a candy-lover and I am a real-food lover. That cannot be judged as equivalent or not."

"Because real food or candy cannot be judged as better or worse." L enjoined.

"Right."

"So our love for each other is a specific type that can be judged as better or worse?"

"No exactly; love is always good, but the person you love may not be."

"I'm confused again."

"About?"

"How can love be good if you love something bad?"

"Well, you love candy don't you?"

"Yes, but on the contrary, candy is quite good for me."

Raito rubbed his temples, telling L, "No, no, no…candy's not…" He sighed, "Nevermind, let me start over…love is good; the feeling of love is always a good thing."

"Alright."

"The feeling is always a good thing, although the thing that brought on this feeling of love might be bad." Raito concluded

"Are you a bad thing, Light-kun?"

Raito reddened, responding timidly, "No. I'm not a bad thing to love, L."

L smiled cutely, adding a violent thump to Raito's heart as he told Raito, "Good, I am glad, Light-kun."

"Ah, and lovers do not use honorifics."

L perked a brow, "Why?"

"Because honorifics illustrate class or superiority, but as I explained, all lovers are equal." 

"So you can call me –kun too if you want." L suggested

Raito shook his head with a smile, telling him, "No, no, no, L. When someone doesn't use honorifics it illustrates a sense of intimacy between the two people, and love is the most intimate of emotions."

"But I thought love cannot be leveled?"

Raito was developing a headache as he told L, "No, i-it can't, but…uhm…love is said to be the most intimate because…" His face became a dark crimson as he swallowed hard, "…uh…because the most intimate physical connection is…sex. And…sex…uhm…only lovers have sex with each other."

"Have you had sex with Misa-kun?" L curiously asked; tilting his head cutely

Raito's pupils shrank in disgust, "N-NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

L shrugged defensively, "Alright, Light, you don't have to get so angry with me, I was just curious."

Raito shuddered at the sickening thought as L chirped, "I have learned so much already! I am really enjoying this, Light. Now why is it that lovers have sex?"

Raito's face was pulsating in heat, he was quite sure his face would spontaneously combust if the conversation got any more uncomfortable. He told L,

"Uhm…well, L…people have sex because of a physical attraction to one another."

"A physical attraction? I have never seen another person unable to control what they connect their body too."

Raito chuckled awkwardly, "N-no, it's not like a magnet, L, it's a psychological kind of thing…L, I am physically attracted to you…for…reasons that are honestly beyond me, but that is why I kiss you." 

"But…kissing is not having sex, so there are different types of physical attraction?" L quizzed.

"N-not, really…there's…uhm…there's really only one physical attraction; sexual attraction. Sex, though, being the most intimate of occurrences in a relationship is waited on rather than immediate because there is supposed to be overwhelming amounts of emotion put into it. It is the time when you are supposed to feel closest to that person physically and emotionally." Raito elaborated.

L smiled, "That sounds intriguing. It is only female and male lovers that can have sex with each other, though, so how is it that homosexuals express physical attraction?"

L's eyes widened at what Raito was sure was steam actually billowing from his ears and nose.

"Uhm…they can have sex, L."

"How is that?"

L's phone rang at that moment and Raito thanked Watari for once for his constant intrusions on their conversations. L's curious pout ensued as he spoke softly and delicately, "Sorry, no, Watari. I am remaining home for today and possibly tomorrow. I have made some interesting findings while being home and I insist on remaining here despite my health."

A few silent moments passed as Raito admired L's visage, then L said, "Wonderful. I will speak to you soon, Watari."

L pulled the phone away from his ear, let it sit in front of his pointed nose for a moment before bringing his lanky finger to the red button and pressing. He looked to Raito as Raito asked conversationally,

"He's concerned?"

"Not at all."

Raito simpered, "Wonderful."

"Exactly."

There was a short silence before L leaned forward and kissed Raito; Raito blushed and inquired, "What was that for?"

"To express my content. I am happy being alone with you, Light." L replied simply.

Raito smiled shyly, "That's…"

L looked like an eager student again as he encouraged, "What is it?"

Raito ran his cheek against L's and gave a small tug on L's ear with his teeth before replying, "Adorable."

He felt L's face turn hot against his own while he planted a soft, long kiss on L's cheek. After the loving attention, L looked to Raito with interest as he asked, "So what do lovers do now?"

Raito smirked and began listing, "They kiss," Raito paused to kiss L again, it lasted for a few moments before he broke away, then stayed silent for a few seconds before continuing, "…then they kiss again."

L must have caught on to the joke by then, because he seemed to chuckle as he allowed Raito to kiss him fervently again. The kiss was longer, lasting for a few heated minutes until Raito reluctantly broke away and continued, "Then I shower and take you out for breakfast."

"Breakfast?"

"Yes…not candy, L."

L pouted and looked away with aggravated eyes, "Then I don't want to go!"

Raito snickered, leaning towards L again and capturing L's lips, running his hot tongue of L's frown. L nervously let him in, and competed for dominance for a few more minutes. They fell back, L onto his back as Raito straddled him; L lacking any experience in sex (clearly), only encouraged Raito's sensual mood when he instinctively lifted a knee between Raito's leg. He felt Raito instantaneously moan into his mouth, echoing against his throat. Raito was beginning to get fogged with lust for the other boy, losing himself in the arousal tightening his pajama bottoms, but he forced himself out of it. He broke away, catching his breath in gasps; L noted Raito's red, needy expression and asked, "Don't you want to kiss me, Light?"

Raito's fluster darkened at the inviting, endearing question as he replied, "Of course I do, L…but I can't steal your purity…"

"What?"

"You wouldn't even know what I was doing if I…nevermind, I just need a cold shower." Raito sighed.

Raito was shocked to feel L sit up on his elbows, pressing their bodies against each other and forcibly take Raito's lips again. Raito was going to tear away, but L's hand came crawling up his neck, wrapping his spidery fingers around his neck and in his threads of chest-nut hair to make him stay. Raito returned the kiss and they stayed like that for another long while, until Raito ran his hand down L's side, playing his fingers across L's fragile outline. He must have touched some sensitive spot on L as he reached L's jeans waistband because an erotic whimper vibrated behind Raito's lips and he broke away again. He gasped for air again, looking to L with bedroom eyes, hungry for the detective in a way that he had never imagined. L tilted his head in interest and told Raito in a breathy voice, "I like doing that."

"I can see that." Raito breathed.

"Do you?" L interviewed.

"More than you know."

"So why do you keep stopping me?"

Raito smirked evilly, "Because you don't know what you're doing to me…and I know what you're after."

"What do you mean?"

"You think if you kiss me enough I won't make you eat any real food, but you're not getting out of it." Raito simpered

L's expression clearly stated that Raito had found him out and Raito laughed, "I am going to shower, L…I'll be out soon then I am taking you out for breakfast."

"Very well…and Light?"

"Yes, L?"

L blushed and smiled cutely before finishing, "I really do like kissing you."

Raito kissed L softly again and replied, "I like kissing you too, L…but you're driving me crazy."

"In a bad way?"

"Both."

"How both?"

"It's always been both."

L cocked a brow, at a loss of words that could form all of his questions as Raito stood. Raito looked back at L as he approached the bathroom door he looked back at L and smirked, "Miss me."

"I always do." L replied.

Raito smiled kindly and closed the door, turning on the lights, "…oh, God…" 


	17. Too Little Too Late, My Luckless Romance

**NOT THE END NOT THE END NOT THE END NOT THE END NOT THE END NOT THE END**

**Thanks for all the reviews and PMs, guys! The support is amazing and insanely awesome and I love you all and I hope you enjoy you're latest chapter!**

They were walking down the block, turning a corner in the bright light of the warm sun. Raito was wearing a maroon polo shirt and designer jeans as L wore his usual white shirt and baggy jeans. Raito looked to the odd detective as he stared around at the large buildings. L tilted his head, his index finger between his lips as he gazed to Raito with owlish eyes. 

"You're not going to eat any candy, L."

L looked away with a defeated sigh that had become routine to everything Raito said since they left the hotel room. Raito was so ecstatic to be alone with L, though, he could do nothing but laugh. Raito, grinning with content commented, "We can have something kind of sweet for breakfast, but none of that disgusting stuff you eat all day. I don't know how your stomach can bare that."

"I told you, Light, candy is good for me."

Raito rolled his eyes with a chuckle, "No, it is not. It's terrible for the health of your teeth and body."

L looked to Raito with a funny expression before he flashed a large smile, he asked, "My teeth, are they yellowed, Light?"

Raito reluctantly answered, "No, but you can't even walk up-right! You're completely distorted from the habits you've formed!"

L seemed to consider this argument for a moment, then he slowly came to a stop. Raito looked to him as L listened to the crackling of his back straightening. He was standing straight and fashioning a cocked brow as he retorted all-knowingly, "What were you saying?"

Raito glared challengingly, "Why do you walk like that then?"

"If I walk upright it makes my decision-making skills drop in accuracy by twenty-four percent." L told him.

Raito simpered, "Then let's go make some bad decisions, eh?"

Raito took L's hand from his pocket and entwined their fingers as he led him across the street. He soon heard L question, "Are you not concerned of people spotting us like this?"

"Not at all."

"What of Misa-kun?"

"Who?"

"What of your father, of Watari, of anyone?" L pressed.

Raito looked to L quickly and replied, "I don't have time to care about what they think. I'm too busy loving you; you're a handful, you know. Always on my mind."

He smirked menacingly as L flustered at his compliment and responded shyly, "Always?"

"Always."

"…truly?"

"Constantly."

"Really?"

"Afraid so."

"…afraid?"

Raito glanced to L and added, "Yes. Love is a wonderful feeling, L, but it's also scary. When someone falls in love…well…love takes a lot of trust."

"Yes."

"And trust is very hard to earn, but rather easy to lose."

"Indeed."

"But love…you can't choose to love someone."

"You can't?"

"No."

"Then why did you not tell me that when I asked you that?"

"What?" Raito asked, wide-eyed as he recalled…

_"Those are lyrics. They are interesting to me."_

"_Why?"_

"_Do you believe that you can stop yourself from falling in love with someone? The woman who wrote the song implies that she chose to allow herself to feel love for another person. Does one choose their love, or is love a happening upon fate? Do you think that perhaps…we cannot stop who we fall in love with?"_

"Oh…uhm…well, L…I don't know."

"You don't know?"

Raito painted a confused expression in response to L's almost shocked reaction.

"…what?" Raito asked.

"Well, you don't seem to know a lot of things."

"A lot of things?" Raito pressed.

"You don't know if calling me L makes you feel close to me, you don't know what I feel for you, you don't know how homosexuals have sex—"

Raito's face turned crimson as he snapped, "I-I know how they have sex, L!"

"Then why did you not tell me?"

"It's…because you'll…you'll know soon enough."

Raito wanted to shove soap in his mouth; here stood a totally innocent, unexposed boy who clearly could not understand the filth and ecstasy that statement exerted. Raito looked away as L lifted a brow in interest, pressing Raito to continue in enlightening him about how he shall find this information, but Raito was concerned in explaining something else,

"Anyway, L, love takes trust. If someone loves a bad thing, then they can't trust that bad thing…because that bad thing might…not return their feelings, thus…break their heart."

"Break their heart, Light?"

"Yes…not literally, of course, but…it's a little more metaphorical, L. It means…that they…deeply, profoundly…emotionally wound that person so that they…cannot love again." Raito elaborated.

"One cannot love again if their heart is broken?" L quizzed.

Raito sighed softly and answered, "Not really. They can love someone, but they will never again experience a love as powerful as their true love."

"There is false love?"

"Yes. It isn't really false, unless someone is pretending to be in love, but there are loves that aren't…aren't your true loves. They are…puppy-loves…childish, unimportant loves."

"Unimportant? But you say that love is the most intimate and powerful of emotions. You also said that love cannot be leveled."

Raito sighed, "Yes, it is, but there are loves that in the long-view aren't important in the end."

"I beg to differ, Light."

"But this is your first love, you don't know about love yet."

"And you've loved before, Light?" L shot a condescending glare towards Raito, "You show people false love so that you may gain something, like respect from your father, honor from your sister, a distraction, an escape…an accomplice."

Raito fashioned shocked eyes to L as they came to a halt. L continued, "All loves are important, Light. All emotions are important. They make us who we are. Every little experience, every open door, every dust-bunny and sparkling diamond rings. They all create us. If there were such a thing as an unimportant love, I'm afraid that every emotion could be scaled. That is impossible." 

"So you think you know more of true love than me?" Raito nearly sneered

L muttered, "I am most certain of it."

"And how is that?"

"I am Justice; I am truth. I can differentiate between falsity and honesty. I am able to identify true love."

Raito gulped inaudibly, "Oh can you? So do I love you, L?"

"You'd like to think so."

"What do you mean? I do love you, L!" Raito fought.

"Love me, perhaps. Honestly, I am unable to tell, but I can tell that you do not trust me."

"Trust you? Trust you? You don't trust me!" 

"With good reason."

"Good reason! How?"

Raito's heart skipped a beat as L sounded a hallow laugh, "Must I really explain?"

Raito glared ruefully, "Explain! I said I love you, L…don't you love me?"

There was a short silence then L replied, "But what if I love a bad thing?"

"A bad thing?"

"Then I cannot trust it."

"It?"

"There is no love without trust."

They stared at each other for a long while. 

"What if I tell you honestly that I love you?" Raito pleaded.

There was another long silence; L's eyes were swirling with emotions that Raito could not translate. He hoped that L felt sorry for what he was saying, he hoped L felt a powerful, overwhelming passion for him, he hoped L was going to apologize. Most of all he hoped L would tell him he loved him back. L took a deep breath, only audible due to the fact that Raito found that he could see nor hear nothing but L's eyes and L's voice. Then L finally replied,

"Then I would not believe you."

"Believe me?"

"I cannot trust you."

"Me? You can't trust me?"

"I cannot love you, Light-kun."

They gazed for another long while. 

"Love me…why? Why can't you?"

"I only just told you, Light-kun."

"Please, L…"

"Call me Ryuuzaki, especially in public, Light-kun." L insisted.

Raito rolled his eyes, feeling them watering as he tightened his hold on L's hand as he barked, "But…but please, please…please give me some chance to show you-"

"Show me, what? How deeply heartbreak cuts?" 

Raito's eyes widened, then he responded frantically, "N-no! Give me a chance to make you believe in me!"

"I already did."

"W-what?" Raito snapped, "When!"

"I told you tell me you were Kira. I told you to tell me everything and you refused."

Another long silence. Why? Why were his words falling empty? Why could Raito say nothing to make L believe? Why was it that his happiness was so immediately snuffed out?

"I am not Kira."

"Then I cannot love you."

"You cannot love me because I am not Kira?"

"I cannot love you because if you truthfully loved me, you would tell me the truth."

"Why can't you just let me love you?"

"Because I love a bad thing."

They stared for a long while before L took his hand out of Raito's. Raito watched in horror, his hand fall back to his side, empty. His heart wrenched as his stomach churned in nervous, angry butterflies.

"You love me." Raito pressed.

"I do not trust you."

"But you love me."

"There is no love without trust."

"Please."

"Please what, Light-kun? Kiss you, hug you, love you as you so want me to? Call you stupid things that mean absolutely nothing in love…saying your name without a title, hugging and kissing…they mean nothing without trust. I do not trust you." L concluded.

"You…you do love me, though. You love me, don't you?"

"I cannot."

"But you do."

"Never."

"Never?" Raito asked.

"Never."

"…truly?"

"Nevermore."

"Really?"

"I am afraid so." 

"Afraid?"

L paused and told him, "Afraid…because I am afraid of trying to stop this emotion. But I must. And I will."

"Why?"

"Because I have a duty to every child, woman and man."

"And what is that?"

"Protection."

"Do they trust you as I do?"

"You trust me?"

"Yes."

There was a very long silence once again; the sweetest sadness radiating from Raito's teary eyes and stinging in his throat. L's brows turned inwardly, breaking his stoic expression as he mumbled sorrowfully, "I don't believe you."


	18. Forward's Calling, And I Can't Stay Here

**READ ****EVERYTHING**** BELOW**

**THIS IS NOT THE END.**

**On another note, I think I'm making the next chapter lemon. So…prepare yourselves, it will be my first real boyxboy lemon and I'm a sick pervert, so…yeah…**

**Anyway, hope you like your latest chapter! Thanks for being so patient; I know I spoil you guys with fast updates, I've just been so busy recently. Thanks for all reviews and PMs, it's all so wonderful, thank you all that gave fanart, it's INSANELY COOL, THANK YOU SO MUCH, IT'S AWESOME!!**

**Now, enjoy, and hopefully I'll be able to update tomorrow night. :D**

They sat in silence at the table; L ate a sugary, icing-drizzled role while Raito could not seem to eat his fried eggs and bacon. He looked to L and asked,

"Ryuuzaki, then?"

"Yes."

"What is it that I should do?"

L looked to him strangely, "Do? Do nothing."

"How? How can I, Ryuuzaki? Ryuuzaki…my love for you is the only real thing-"

"Do not speak such nonsense, Light-kun."

"Nonsense?"

L looked away, "After this, I want to go back to the room. I do not want you to come near me. I have made an error in my judgment."

"But what you feel for me, you said it's love!" Raito fought.

"I said I would like to believe it is love. And I beg you, Light-kun, can you not hear the curtains closing? Can you not see the act is ending? I know."

Raito paused, "Know?"

"Do not play dumb with me, Light-kun. I know. I know everything and you know I know everything. So what is it that I am supposed to do, Light-kun? Love you? Love you when I know that whether you love me or I am some puppet to you that you will kill me to help sooth your mind? To help you murder?"

There was a long silence. This seemed to be happening more and more between them and Raito wondered where all the fun went. He had found himself laughing and chuckling these last few days, he 

had found himself smiling and blushing…where did all of that go? L was warm the past few days, he was soft to the touch but strong nonetheless. Now, though, L stood before him as a statue of ice, cold and motionless, rigid and fragile. Raito had to wonder, why?

"I'm not Kira."

"Your words mean nothing, Light-kun. Everything you've said is a lie so why should I ever trust that?"

"Because I love you."

"That means nothing if I do not love you back."

Another silence.

"Do you love me, Ryuuzaki?" Raito asked.

"There is no love without trust."

Raito was about to speak again when the waitress came by, probably sensing the tension from across the dining hall she came with their check. L didn't smile to her, there was no need to be hallow or dishonest. Raito was sure that was something he admired about L; he never tried to be something he wasn't. With that, they rose from their seats and exited the diner, never looking towards each other. The day proceeded a lot like that; no eye-contact, no speaking and certainly no kissing. They reached their room and Raito immediately ran into the kitchen; the closest room from the door. He rested his back against the off-white wall and slowly slid down to the floor.

_Why? Why did it have to be him? He's always on to me! He always knows exactly what I'm thinking, he knows exactly when I'm lying! It's like trying to catch fog! …no love without trust, huh? That doesn't quite go along with his theory that no one can choose who they love…ugh, maybe he's just trying to do this to me! Maybe it was his true ambition to confuse and trouble me with these…these idiotic theories and arguments! I wish…I wish I didn't need to kill him. He's…so interesting…there's so much I don't know about him…I wish this weren't all an act…I wish…he weren't L, that he were some underpaid actress, a beautiful raven-haired women; she'd be short, and her eyes would be wide but tired, but she'd be gorgeous, I'm more than sure about that…that way…if he were like everyone else…like Misa, or any other media-light…I could forget him… but I suppose the very fact that he is "L"…attracts me most to him…but when was it that it became this? I didn't care about him, certainly didn't love him and I certainly don't now. I just wanted his name so badly…but what was I thinking anyway? That he would just tell me if I kissed him and spewed pathetic poetry of love? Maybe someday…when this is all over with and I'm alone in my power…I can think on this and I'll be able to see what exactly it was that brought me such joy these past few days…in any case, no matter what he must be disposed of in the end…I mean…he's "L" after all…he has an obligation to every child, woman and man…but I'll put his slow, under-matured methods to rest. As for him, though…he can rot and haunt. I hate him…I really do…_

With those thoughts being his last conscious, he fell asleep against the wall, feeling an odd calm wash over him. He had always known that he would kill L, but somehow explaining his resolve to himself 

made it easier for him to face the fact that it needed to be done. It needed to be done, no matter how fascinating of a specimen "L" was.

Raito had lost his ability to sleep well a long while back, but he ended up in a deep slumber that produced a very strange dream…

"_Hai." _

_There was a beautiful rose in his mind's eye, sparkling and satin-looking. The Japanese voice came again, "Hai."_

_There appeared a Daisy then and again the voice said, "Hai."_

_The scene spread back and there were miles upon miles of hills of flowers, all different kinds. Raito assumed he must be some floating spirit, or something levitating as he could see for so long into the distance. He searched through every flower, every commercial plant and garden beauty known to man. Every flower that would show, the voice would say, "Hai.", "Hai.", "Hai." And for a millionth time, "Hai."_

_But what was the meaning of it? Why? What was the voice approving of? Raito soon discovered, it was his own voice. As the sun set on the field of flowers, and they shut their pedals and slept, his vision concentrated on the miles ahead of him. He wondered if it was just because he was tired, but the flowers were all beginning to look similar to each other. He sighed and slept in his own dream, but as the sun began to climb over the horizon of flowers once again, he awoke. He looked off and the light of the new sunrise had not yet touched one of the flowers, it lie in a shadow cast by nothing; he could only see a glimpse of it, as it was shadowed in a sheet of night that was created by nothing. _

_He walked over and saw something he had never imagined; it was a long flower, strong and steady, never wavering in the soft breeze. Its stem was clear, like glass, but there was a swirling miasma within it. It led to the top of the flower, and its petals; the pedals were white by the center and slowly turned grey, then black, then at the tip they were red. There were black, white and red spots on the crevasse of the petals, and four thread-like strings of red sprouted from the center, topped with tiny red and black jewels. _

_Raito's voice finally stated in response to the alien-like plant, "Arigato, Kami. Gomenasai."_

Raito opened his eyes and gasped into consciousness; how long had he been asleep? He looked to the clock at the top of the threshold into the kitchen; he'd been asleep for two hours. He rose to find his legs feeling cramped and sore, but what did he expect? He had fallen sleep in such an unhealthy position. He brushed his shirt off as he walked into the bedroom, forgetting about the promise he made to L that he would not come near him in the house. When he looked up though, he found something much more startling than the almost demonic flower of his subconscious.

"R-Ryuuzaki!?"

L was wearing a black under-shirt, that brought out the pale of his skin and the darkness of his hair and eyes. He was glaring at Raito, the tip of a knife to his neck.

"W-What the fuck are you doing?!" Raito shouted.

Raito went to storm forward, but L tightened his hold on the knife and visibly pressed it more harshly against his skin. Raito stopped as he heard L snarl, "Do not come near me."

"R-Ryuuzaki, what are you doing?" Raito proceeded with caution.

L's eyes were illuminated with a type of hatred Raito had never seen before. This did not scare him, the fact that his eyes were filled with a loathing so profound that he thought himself paralyzed. No, what scared him was that he could read L's emotions so clearly. L was never an open book, he was never simple or understandable. So why? Why was L allowing him to see this darkness, this intense distrust?

"I am ending my life prematurely."

"W-Why?! Why would you want to do such a thing?!"

L glared more viscously, "Is it not obvious, Yagami? I no longer have the desire to live."

Raito's heart rate quickened in a nervous race against his thoughts as he shot forward and dove onto the bed to get the knife from L. They fought and wrestled over it for a few moments in a struggle until L was being straddled by Raito; Raito was gripping L's wrist that tightly held to the knife. There was blood dripping from L's neck where he had cut himself only slightly from when Raito first entered the room. Raito glared, "You don't want to do this, Ryuuzaki!"

"I do not want to do this, Yagami? And who are you to know what I want?"

"You have obligations!"

"What obligations?"

"Protection, Ryuuzaki!" Raito fought.

"Just admit it!" L yelled uncharacteristically, "Admit that you do not want me to kill myself because you want me to die by your hands! Admit that you want to kill me yourself, Kira! Admit it!"

Raito's maroon eyes were opened wide, his body finding some strange, hidden anger within himself and forcefully ripping the knife from L's grasp. He shot down and captured L's lips in a heated, frustrated kiss. Raito pulled away when he felt L bite his tongue; violently aiming for his main artery. Raito's eyes were glazed with agitation, hunger and a morbid lust. He leaned down to L's ear and muttered,

"What if, L? What if I tell you right now, 'I am Kira'?"

There was a silence that could deafen.

"What would happen, L? You said you have known all along. You know, you say that you know I know. You say you know, I know that you know. So what does that do for you, L? How will it ever change what's between us?"

"I will trust you."

Raito looked deeply into L's eyes, an overwhelming sense of hopelessness washing over him as he begged,

"Really? Will you…really believe me, L? If I tell you I am Kira."

"Yes." L finally replied.

"I will then. Do you know why I'd be willing to sacrifice such a thing to you?"

L's eyes wide with anticipation, he responded in a shaken monotone, "Why?"

"Because in that moment…in those four syllables, three seconds, two nouns and one verb…you will trust me…meaning that in a one in a million chance, in those three seconds…you might be able to love me…and although I really, and truly don't know why…that is all I want right now."

Raito's heart thumped in pain as he saw tears forming the sleuth's eyes. L murmured, "Why would you tell me such a thing?"

"I am Kira."

L looked to him with shocked eyes, allowing his tears to fall silently down the side of his face.

"Do you believe me?" Raito asked softly.

L's brows curved in sadly as he replied, "Yes…"

Raito lowered his lips to L's and let his words break across L's unmoving expression, "Do you love me?"

"Will you believe me?"

Raito laughed sadly, "I have since the beginning."

L sighed and told him, "I do."

Raito captured L's lips in his own, when he broke away to intake deeply he asked, "Do what?"

The tears streamed more harshly from L's eyes as he answered desperately sad, "L-love you, Light-kun…Kira, I love you…I love…love a bad thing, Light-kun…I love you."


	19. Take Me Back, Or Watch Me Bleed

**I'm sorry it took so long. It's not the end, but…**

**NC-17, LEMON, SMUT, MAN-SEX AHEAD PLEASE BEWARE **

**If you don't want to read the yaoi smex then you can just PM me to find out any important parts, I'm totally understanding. Anyway, I'm already working on the next chapter so it'll be up soon, I hope you like your lemon guys! :3**

Raito pressed his entire form against L, pleading in a hushed voice, "Tell me again, L…"

"I love you."

"Who do you love?"

"I love Light Yagami…and Kira. I love every piece of Light Yagami…the good and the bad…and that will be my downfall." L murmured.

Raito kissed him again and replied, "But you know I am Kira…you've always known, and for all I know you've tape recorded this entire conversation…I've…lost."

To Raito's confusion and shock, L reached forward and quickly lifted Raito's shirt over his head and tossed it aside. L kissed him deeply as Raito's hands traveled under L's black shirt, caressing the silky flesh. Raito wasn't sure how to react; he thought L was naive, he thought L couldn't function in intimate relationships, but even now, L was deeply kissing him, unbuttoning his jeans, allowing Raito to caress him…

They tore away for a moment to catch their breaths; Raito was straddling L, his jeans slowly falling down the sides of his thighs, revealing a hairless, adolescent body and black, cotton boxers. L's shirt was pushed up to his neck, his jeans sliding down his torso, hanging at the defined lines at his waist that led to his price of puberty. L arched his back, running his groin against Raito's which earned him a reluctant moan, but L had really been encouraging him to take of his black shirt. Raito did as silently asked of him and as he threw it aside to some forgotten corner of the room he returned his lips to L's physique. He leaned down, kissing down the crook of L's neck, to his collarbone, to his small chest-plates, but as he reached L's pink buds, he left a single kiss on the right, then flicked his tongue across the pinkish flesh. His other digits were busy playing with the opposite while his tongue forced L to release small noises that drove Raito mad. A good mad, though, a mad that told him no matter what he had to retrieve this reaction over and over…

Raito left the blushed spot to repeat the attention to the other side, which he did and as he lightly bit down to hear a response he heard L sound, "Annh—"

As the sound echoed in his cerebellum he felt a pang beneath his abdomen. He broke away and kissed L fervently again, as a silent show of gratitude L raked his spidery fingers through Raito's hair, pulling him ever closer, never satisfied with the heated proximity. L's onyx eyes glistened as they broke again, the eye-contact soundlessly told Raito that it was okay for him to progress further. Raito took hold of L's 

waistband, slipping his fingers beneath L's boxers and jeans, quickly ripping them away and tossing them. Before Raito could even think of ogling L's ghostly, perfected body in its unclothed glory, he was pulled down into another passionate kiss. L's animal legs leaned back as he aligned his feet to Raito's hips, then his feet pushed the jeans the rest of the way off of Raito's body. Raito blushed as he heard them crumple to the carpeted floor beyond the foot of the bed. Raito looked intensely into L's eyes and noted the cute fluster across L's otherwise pallid face. Raito felt L's legs start moving again, forcing Raito to topple over onto his back. L re-positioned them, though in Raito's lust-fogged state he couldn't determine how; L was straddling Raito now, smirking to him as Raito leaned up with L's lanky arms wrapping around his neck. L's thighs were straight, holding him strongly above Raito's throbbing manhood, as L began to lower himself Raito asked, "L…a-are…you…sure?"

"T-This is how they do it…right?"

"Y-you never…answered me…"

"W-what? If I r-recorded us or-r not?"

Raito nodded positively; instantaneously L's waist came slamming down onto Raito's, extracting a dark blush, a bead of traveling sweat and a loud, pleased moan. Raito was concerned to hear L wince, but afterwards that cute, "Ahnn—" noise escaped L's open lips and Raito was captured by the sound of it. Again, L thundered down and the tight, hot space around Raito was driving him insane, but it didn't distract him enough to disregard L muttering,

"L-Law…"

"I k-know what w-we're doing is b-beyond illegal…I-I'm K-Kira after all…d-do you t-think I care?"

"N-no…L-Law-Ah!"

Raito smirked at the cry of pained pleasure caused by Raito's thrusts to meet with L's rhythm. L had shot forward, hooking his arms under Raito's, his thin fingers gripping to Raito's sweat-misted shoulders as they pumped their hips.

"L-Lawl-i-iet…" another harsh bump in L's sweet spot forced him to arch his back as he yelled, "Lawliet!"

Raito closed his eyes, biting his lip in revelry as he asked, "L-Lawliet?"

"M-my name…my name i-is Lawliet, Light…"

Raito's eyes shot open as he looked to the boy sweating and gasping in indulgence. L returned the intent gaze through half-lidded eyes and murmured, "I-if I were r-recording you…I-I'd never s-say it…"

Raito leaned forward, running his tongue along L's stretched neck, to his chin then captured his lips in a furious kiss. Raito's hands were gripping L's sides in relish as he felt L's whimpers and moans of titillation echo into his throat and chest, exciting all of his nerves and driving his kiss to be more hungered. L's hot flesh surrounding him, whimpers and cries all due to his affection finally drove him to bliss and he broke 

away from L's lips, crying out his true identity as they came in unison and he believed he could faintly hear the ending of his name being desperately cried out. L's eyes were closed as were Raito's while they tried to catch their breaths in the aftershock. Raito opened his eyes into only slits and admired L. L's head sprang back forward, no longer arching back, and his eyes opened lowly just as Raito's. They gazed at each other through bedroom eyes, thanking each other for the mutual ecstasy they provided for the other without casting any words on the silent, lusted fog between them. Raito finally repeated, "…Lawliet…"

"Yes?"

Raito blushed again, as he felt more sweat drop from the back of his neck. He replied, "That's…your real name?"

"Yes."

"How am I supposed to believe that?" Raito inquired skeptically.

"Because I love you."

Though he was surprised with this answer at first, he accepted it and responded softly, "I believe you then."

"Do you love me?"

"I can't seem to stop…"

L spread his hands across Raito's chest and pushed him back down onto the bed, asking timidly, "I-is that my fault?"

Raito pulled him down into another starved, torrid kiss and told him, "No. I don't believe I chose to love you…I think it was just…a happening upon fate."

**NOT THE END FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DO NOT READ MY BOLD THINGS AT THE TOP OF CHAPTERS…-Insert angry face-**


	20. To Prove My Love is Still Strong

So sad. So desperate. So passionate, star-crossed is this love. So ironic, so cruel and strange. So uncalled for, so secret and deceiving. So stealthy, so awkward and estranged. So unknown, so quiet and reserved is this love. A finger tip running down silk, a television screen frozen on mute, sincere tears of loss. Regrets, mistakes, memories and embarrassing stories. Horror films, dust, moths and bonfires. Ballet, doctors, lost ambitions, lost purity, lost immature ideals. So lost is this love. Woven around threads of lies stretching back and forward, left and right, lies spread everywhere, affecting everyone every day. Solitary, loneliness, oceans, ghosts, clocks, cabinets, bird-feeders, spectacles, mustaches, dollar bills, blood…

Boats, friendships, death, books and calendars. History, textbooks, computers, DNA and FBI agents. Shooting stars, useless wishes, selfish desires, bodies and skeletons. Beating hearts. Running minds.

"You know I am going to kill you." Raito told him, never looking his way.

The rain was pouring furiously around them, almost begging Raito to see the mistake he was making. Nature was simply not loud enough to reach his covered ears. The sky was a bleak grey and blue, the sky powdered with portentous charcoal clouds. L was crouched over, his lanky hands stuck in his jean pockets, his white shirt plastered to his thin physique.

"I do not know how, but for once…I do not care."

"What?" Raito asked with grief.

L's visage turned his way, his ivory, chaste eyes augmenting, valiant and pulsating with inspiration. The rain was running down his cheeks and Raito was concerned that perhaps there were tears he could not see. L's phantom face curved into a loving, virtuous smile as he explained,

"I love you. I do not know how or when or why, but rather than wanting to find those answers, I only want to love you, Light. That is all I need. You are the answer in the end."

Raito's eyes importuned passionately, "The answer? I-I am your adversary, L…I am…contemptuous, dangerous…why?"

"I do not…" L turned completely, walking towards Raito until they were only a foot apart, "I do not believe I chose to love you. It was perhaps just…"

"A happening upon fate?" Raito finished.

L nodded, his onyx, prodigious eyes flooded with languish, woe and desolation.

"I knew that you would kill me if you had my name. I told you my name because I love you, because I trust in you…because the beauty locked within you startled my soul, ignited my bones, shook my senses…forced and taught me what love was…that is why I told you my name. I thought that perhaps if 

you knew it and you loved and trusted me you would not kill me. That is what every fool believes, though, and you know I am no fool."

"So why did you think that I would save you if you are not a fool?" Raito interrogated with belligerence in his tone.

"Because there is a difference between knowing and thinking. I do not trust you, so I knew you would not save me, but it was nice to think, to almost believe." L replied coolly.

"But you said you trusted in me."

"Trusting, believing in someone is very different from trusting or believing someone. I trusted in you, in your power, in your strength, in your light, in your pumping heart, I believed in all the words you said, I believed in the virility, the raw emotion and devotion within you…I trust in that, because it is nearly palpable, your lies, though, fall like autumn leafs around me…they mean nothing."

Raito bowed his head and covered his mouth with his hand as his lashes entwined, tears cascading down his face. L's pallid hand took hold of Raito's, making Raito return L's intent gaze…

"It is happening soon, isn't it?"

Raito gripped L's wrist and pulled him into a tight embrace, clasping to him firmly as he murmured beyond the music of the falling skies and tears, "I am sorry, Lawliet…I am so sorry…"

Raito's heart threatened to stop beating as he felt L's arms slowly crawl behind his back and hook onto his shoulders. Their pounding hearts were banging against each other, very clearly felt through their ribcages, their chest-plates, their shirts and layer of satin rain.

"At least…I was not hunting Kira forever, right? At least…at least I caught him in the end…"

Raito's grip grew tighter yet as a boisterous crash of thunder sounded and shook around them. Raito replied with a depressed smirk, "At least I didn't remain only a 'specimen' to you forever, right?"

"You are not…scared to touch me anymore, Light…"

Raito released a reluctant sob and replied, "N-no…no, I'm not scared anymore…"

"Are you going to be sad when I die, Light?"

"Oh, God," Raito cried as he practically dug his fingers through L's frail flesh, "Yes, Lawliet…I will be so, so sad, Lawliet…God, I will miss you, Lawliet…oh, God, I will be destroyed…"

"Do not be sad…after all…you are the only person I want to be happy, remember?" L recalled.

Raito simpered, "Yes, I remember…"

"Do you…do you remember when you said I was good-looking, Light?"

"Yes…"

Raito felt L smile against the crook of his neck as he stated shyly, "That made me very happy."

Raito let escape another cry of despair, "I-I'm glad, Lawliet…"

"Do you know what also made me very happy?" L quizzed cutely.

"What is that?"

"I learned in the end," L paused to gulp a hot flood of tears, "what a true kiss was…"

Raito barely parted their bodies so that he could kiss L's soft, sweet lips again. Raito responded kindly, "Yes…I am happy I learned it too."

"Light…is your heart…breaking now?"

"Yes." Raito replied honestly.

"Does that mean…"

"Yes…you were my true love, Lawliet…all the others…they all meant nothing in the end…" Raito paused as he closed the space between them again, holding L tightly to him as he finished, "Compared to your alien beauty, to your honesty and hunger for justice and everything right, Lawliet…they were all nothing…you were everything in the end, Lawliet, everything I'd ever need, everything I'd ever want…you are everything in the end, Lawliet…everything."

"Ah-you are holding me very closely, Light…" L complained softly.

"I know…bare with me, please…I need this…"

"Alright then…can you…still honor me, Light, even while I am gone from you…will you still honor my memory, will you…will your protect me even while I am gone? Will you wish to…to kiss and embrace me while I am so far?" L begged, audible cries escaping him throughout his interrogation.

Raito told him with fluster spreading across his paled face, "Of course, Lawliet…I will honor you until the day I die and far, far beyond that…do you hear me? Do you understand me? I love you, Lawliet. I love you so deeply…"

L nodded against him, "My shoulder is beginning to hurt."

"I am sorry, Lawliet, but I need to hold you, I am sorry, but I am scared to let go…"

"No…it…it is not due to the pressure of your hold, Light…my muscles…something is happening to me, Light…my heart, Light…" L trailed off.

Raito tore away and watched in horror and affliction as L's hand rose to his shoulder, flinching in pain. L's eyes looked up to Raito's as he muttered nearly silently, "I am…dying, Light…"

They very slowly lowered to the concrete ground of the roof, L's thin body further watered down by the rivers running along the floor. Raito sat down beside L, as L requested,

"Tell me everything…"

"Everything? Can I confide in you, Lawliet…can I confide in you all that webs through my mind?"

"Y-yes." L replied.

Raito's tears were torrid, nearly searing his eyes and cheeks as he stammered in hysteria, "I love you, G-God, I love you, Lawliet, I love you and that's all I e-ever think about, you are everything, everyone, everywhere, you're every day and every hour and minute, every second and place and person, you're everything and I love you, I love you and that's all my mind can tell me…that's all my heart c-can tell me, Lawliet…it's all I know. Always you, you and you alone, always…"

"A-always?"

"Always."

"…t-truly?"

"Constantly."

"Really-y?"

"Afraid so."

"…af-fraid?"

"Afraid of losing you…"

L smiled, a mutiny shining in his eyes, "L-Light…you believe…you are a God…right?"

Raito prayed silently that their last conversation would not be concerning the fact that he is Kira…

"Y-yes, Lawliet…"

"G-Good…" L began to close his eyes, and Raito's chest, eyes and soul, heart and ears overflowed with hopelessness as he cried out desperately,

"N-No! NO! No, Lawliet! No, don't go yet, please, please don't go…not yet, please, please stay with me a little longer, please, don't go, Lawliet, please stay, please, please…"

L gazed to Raito, the rain pouring down on them as L replied in barely a whisper, "I want to close my eyes, Light…"

"W-why?!" Raito pleaded.

"Because…then you…will be the first thing I see…" L replied as his eyes finally closed.

"God, I love you, Lawliet…" Raito admitted to the grim silence as he lowered his head, he faintly heard L reply,

"And I…believe you…"

Raito captured L's lips one final time, and when a few moments passed, he hesitantly broke away and looked to L's lifeless body, lying limp in the rivers of rain beneath and around him.

So alone. So dark and sad, so sole and mad. Dying to live, but living to die. Inspired, ensnared, captured and scared. Loving, lying, brave but faint-hearted, immoral, immortal and ominous. Evil, friendly, moving and deadly. Sharp, strong, daring and evolving. Constant, rocky, inconsistent like the sea. Beautiful, bloody, inky but clean, being and having been, beloved and breath-taking. What love is this, and what more truthful than this, this love and sacrifice in search of something real.

So what does it matter, if in the end he bloodied his hands, in the end he could not love the one he so loved more than anything true and solid. That is not the point, however, because ladies and gentlemen, the point is that he loved.

**END**

**What did you guys think? Please leave Reviews or PM me! And thank you all for the support and wonderful reviews and everything! It was all highly appreciated, thank you all! :3**


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